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March 29, 2024
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Sideline Interview with Sisyphus

(On the sidelines.)

REPORTER: So this is it, the big event, something you’ve worked toward, well, not just for your entire career but for eternity. How do you feel?

SISYPHUS: Really good, Bob.

REPORTER: Now, you’re the underdog in this matchup. How are you planning on turning things around?

SISYPHUS: Well, I need to go out there and give a hundred and ten per cent. If I stay within myself, I’ll take it to the next level.

REPORTER: Any thoughts on the conditions? It’s pretty hot out there.

SISYPHUS: Well, it is the underworld.

REPORTER: Right.

SISYPHUS: I like to think that the heat gives me an advantage: firmer footing.

REPORTER: Well, best of luck.

SISYPHUS: Thanks, Bob! I’m not gonna stop till I reach the top! Yeah!

REPORTER: Now let’s go to the booth for our live coverage of this exciting matchup. Ted and Pythagoras?

(Minutes later.)

REPORTER: So that was clearly not the result you were hoping for today.

SISYPHUS: No, Bob, it was not. But you try not to get too low from the losses or too high from the wins.

REPORTER: You have no wins.

SISYPHUS: Exactly, but I’m still feeling good about where I’m at. I feel like if just a couple of things had gone differently I could’ve come out on top.

REPORTER: What things?

SISYPHUS: Well, like if I had been able to keep that rock on top of the hill.

REPORTER: Right. Any thoughts on your opponent’s performance?

SISYPHUS: I just have to give the rock credit for what it did out there. In all of our matchups, it’s used a similar strategy, and, I have to admit, it’s working.

REPORTER: Gravity?

SISYPHUS: Exactly, Bob. And I feel like maybe the rock just wanted it more? A rock that big, you really have to bring your A game to roll it up the hill and get it to stay there.

REPORTER: Which you haven’t been able to do yet. Ever.

SISYPHUS: That’s right. But I’m not gonna stop till I reach the top! Yeah!

REPORTER: Let’s go back up to the booth. Ted and Pythagoras?

(Minutes later.)

REPORTER: So that was . . . rough. A crushing defeat. Literally.

SISYPHUS: Yes, Bob, it was.

REPORTER: Has it rolled over you like that on the way down before?

SISYPHUS: No, and there’s a part of me that’s disappointed. But the rest of me is saying, “Go out there and do it!”

REPORTER: Seriously?

SISYPHUS: Yes. If I keep playing my game, that rock doesn’t stand a chance! It might as well be getting its mail forwarded to the top of that hill, because that’s where it’s going to stay!

REPORTER: I admire your fighting spirit—as well as the anachronistic analogy—but aren’t you even a little bit discouraged?

SISYPHUS: I am not, because there’s no “I” in “fail,” Bob.

REPORTER: Actually, there is.

SISYPHUS: There’s no “sissy” in “Sisyphus.”

REPORTER: So you don’t do anagrams.

SISYPHUS: There’s nothing I can’t do!

REPORTER: Back to the booth.

(Minutes later.)

REPORTER: So, from the replay, it looks like the rock rolled over you, then was delayed by some brush while you slid down the hill, and then it crushed you again. And again and again. Is that right?

SISYPHUS: Yes, Bob. And I won’t lie—this one hurts. But it’s all mental, and if . . .

REPORTER: Hold on. We just watched your body being repeatedly pulverized by a huge boulder.

SISYPHUS: You gotta give credit to my opponent. It had a solid game plan today and executed it well.

REPORTER: Rolling over you repeatedly?

SISYPHUS: Exactly, Bob. I just need to get back to my basics, and, boom—I’ll be taking it to the next level.

REPORTER: Do you ever wonder what you did to be stuck at this level? Because I do.

SISYPHUS: It’s just character-building adversity that, in the end, is gonna make me stronger.

REPORTER: I keep thinking over my life, wondering what I did to anger the gods.

SISYPHUS: The gods are on my side, and I’d like to take this opportunity to thank them for my success, because I’m just one man out here.

REPORTER: You have had absolutely no success. All right, it’s time for you to get crushed by the big rock again.

SISYPHUS: Not this time! I’m gonna make you a believer, Bob!

REPORTER: Please, someone make this stop.

(Minutes later.)

REPORTER 2: How do you feel?

SISYPHUS: Really good, Bob.

REPORTER 2: Uh, it’s Bill. Bob ran onto the course during that last round and into the oncoming rock.

SISYPHUS: Geez, that’s rough. It’s a tough game, but you hate to see that happen to anyone. Bob, we’re rooting for a speedy recovery, buddy!

REPORTER 2: Bob’s dead.

SISYPHUS: Well, my sympathies. I’m not gonna stop till I reach the top!

(They watch the grounds crew working at the bottom of the hill.)

SISYPHUS: As soon as they clean up that mess. ♦

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/01/13/pre-game-interview

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