12.5 C
New York
March 22, 2023
Worship Media

The Gashlycrumb Boomers

Illustration by Landis Blair

With apologies to Edward Gorey.

A is for Anne, who fell off a cruise,
B is for Barry, shocked dead by cable news.

C is for Cathy, stampeded at a sale,
D is for Debra, whose attempt to FaceTime for help failed.

E is for Ellen, who tripped on lawn gnomes,
F is for Frank, whacked at one of his two homes.

G is for Gerald, who gambled his life,
H is for Harold, lanced by an extremely dull knife.

J is for Joy, a victim of Murphy’s Law,
K is for Karen, impaled (metal straw).

L is for Laura, inflammatorily jointed,
M is for Michael, who died “disappointed.”

N is for Nancy, extinct like bar soap,
O is for Olaf, who gave up all hope.

P is for Paul, consumed by his recliner,
R is for Rhonda, whose ghost blames the vegan food at the diner.

S is for Susan, who screamed “kids these days” till blue,
T is for Ted, who died on that hill, too.

U is for Ulric, pecked by the birds he watched,
V is for Victor, whose seventy-five-dollar steak was botched.

W is for Wallace, who bought the wrong Groupon,
X is for Xavier, he choked on Grey Poupon.

Y is for Yemi, destroyed by a tweet,
Z is for Zachary, simply rendered obsolete.

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/the-gashlycrumb-boomers

Related posts

If You Give a Mouse a Routine Checkup

The New Yorker

Trump Blasts Supporters Who Plan to Vote for Him Only Once

The New Yorker

Hey, New Mom, Have You Considered Relaxing?

The New Yorker

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More

Privacy & Cookies Policy