With apologies to Edward Gorey.
A is for Anne, who fell off a cruise,
B is for Barry, shocked dead by cable news.
C is for Cathy, stampeded at a sale,
D is for Debra, whose attempt to FaceTime for help failed.
E is for Ellen, who tripped on lawn gnomes,
F is for Frank, whacked at one of his two homes.
G is for Gerald, who gambled his life,
H is for Harold, lanced by an extremely dull knife.
J is for Joy, a victim of Murphy’s Law,
K is for Karen, impaled (metal straw).
L is for Laura, inflammatorily jointed,
M is for Michael, who died “disappointed.”
N is for Nancy, extinct like bar soap,
O is for Olaf, who gave up all hope.
P is for Paul, consumed by his recliner,
R is for Rhonda, whose ghost blames the vegan food at the diner.
S is for Susan, who screamed “kids these days” till blue,
T is for Ted, who died on that hill, too.
U is for Ulric, pecked by the birds he watched,
V is for Victor, whose seventy-five-dollar steak was botched.
W is for Wallace, who bought the wrong Groupon,
X is for Xavier, he choked on Grey Poupon.
Y is for Yemi, destroyed by a tweet,
Z is for Zachary, simply rendered obsolete.
