00:00
[chimes play]
00:02
Hello, I’m Andrew Yang, I’m running for president in 2020,
00:05
and today I’m doing some captions
00:07
for some New Yorker cartoons.
00:08
Okay, so you’ve got a political candidate,
00:11
and then the spouse saying something to him.
00:14
They both seem kind of shellshocked.
00:16
It seems like a marriage that’s going through
00:19
a little bit of a strain.
00:21
She seems very concerned, he seems very concerned.
00:26
He seems sort of shellshocked by something.
00:29
What is it, let’s see.
00:32
[marker scratches]
00:33
All right, here is my caption.
00:36
Harold, the podium only makes you look more powerful
00:39
on TV.
00:41
[Andrew laughs]
00:44
[drums bang]
00:48
Okay, so here we have one very angry looking angel
00:52
running for office, and then the other angels
00:55
are concerned, and then this angel is saying something,
00:59
so that is what the caption must be.
01:01
What’s the question?
01:02
President of heaven?
01:04
All right, I’ve got it.
01:06
[marker scratches]
01:09
I wish that there was some kind of competitive element
01:14
to this.
01:15
Like every time you successfully caption a cartoon,
01:19
you get paid $1000.
01:21
[paper shuffles]
01:24
I would like to make that true for all of us,
01:27
but instead of captioning a cartoon,
01:29
it’s living for another month.
01:32
For this caption, I came up with,
01:35
No one has the heart to tell him
01:36
that there are no presidents in heaven.
01:39
Can you see where I went there?
01:41
[production staff laughs]
01:43
[drums bang]
01:47
All right, I think I already have a line in mind.
01:50
It looks to me like there is a therapist,
01:53
and there’s a car on the therapy couch,
01:59
and the therapist is giving her opinion.
02:06
[marker scratches]
02:07
The caption I came up for this was,
02:10
Did they realize that naming you a smart car
02:12
would put so much pressure on you?
02:17
[production staff lightly applauds]
02:18
Because, you see, the car seems sad.
02:23
[production staff laughs]
02:24
[drums bang]
02:28
All right, it looks like one speaker is juggling chainsaws.
02:33
It’s a presidential debate, let’s say.
02:36
[marker scratches]
02:38
All right, my caption for this one is,
02:41
Let’s pass Universal Healthcare in the next 10 seconds.
02:45
See?
02:46
Ah, ah?
02:49
[drums bang]
02:54
Okay, so it looks to me like you have
02:57
someone in a business suit doing window washing,
03:00
and then someone in the window washing outfit
03:03
doing the business person’s work.
03:05
A little bit like a trading places situation.
03:07
Like a Dan Aykroyd, Eddie Murphy thing.
03:10
I feel like he’s talking to a friend
03:13
about his experience.
03:15
So the question is how to express this idea.
03:17
What is he saying?
03:19
I’m ready to give it a shot, sure.
03:22
Are there standards of humor in the New Yorker?
03:24
Is it allowed to be lascivious or dirty or vulgar?
03:29
[Producer] I would have to know the example,
03:30
I guess, to see–
03:31
I guess we’ll find out together.
03:33
[marker scratches]
03:36
The question in my mind is how did this situation arise?
03:40
And so what I came up with was,
03:43
That will teach this guy not to do drugs
03:46
with the blinds open.
03:47
With the thought being that the window washer
03:49
saw him doing drugs.
03:51
[drums bang]
03:55
Oh yeah, this is up my alley, at least.
03:58
What’s he saying?
03:59
He’s got a mechanical horse, and he’s talking.
04:02
This horse, clearly not happy with the robot horse.
04:06
Well what joke would you tell?
04:07
It is up my alley cause I’m all about the fact that
04:09
technology’s going to take our jobs.
04:11
[marker scratches]
04:13
[Andrew chuckles]
04:15
This is the caption I came up with.
04:17
It says,
04:20
I find the robot horse makes me feel more secure
04:22
about my manhood.
04:26
[production staff laughs]
04:27
It’s a thinker.
04:30
[drums bang]
04:35
I really enjoyed it.
04:37
You get your creative juices flowing.
04:39
This is a blast.
04:40
I highly recommend it.
04:41
I’ve always loved comics.
04:42
It’s a lost art form, so thank you New Yorker
04:45
for preserving such an important cultural language.
04:52
Look at that, I managed to make cartoons
04:54
seem really important.
04:55
That’s the kind of person you need in the White House.
05:01
[Producer] All right.
05:02
[production staff laughs]
05:03
[Andrew laughs]
