The hottest destination for the start of this new decade isn’t an exotic locale like Bora Bora or the Egyptian pyramids for once-in-a-lifetime adventure. In fact, it’s presumably somewhere you’ve been before! Known for its convenience, popularity, rich history, inconsistent architecture, Instagram opportunities, and scorching political climate, this seasonal spot is a wander-must in 2020. And what it lacks in vacation vibes, it makes up for in freedom feels.
This year, you can’t skip a trip to Your Local Polling Place!
This church/library/school/laundromat/barn/Chinese restaurant has everything—national pride, your neighbor Kathy, lines reminiscent of those at trendy night clubs, traumatic 2016 flashbacks, your neighbor Donna, impartial officials, millennials live-tweeting the #mood, thirty-six questions for a volunteer from a boomer, unconventional lighting for your illegal ballot selfie, low-key casino-floor vibes, the entire fate of our country, maybe some sexual tension with your neighbor Antonio, and more.
The top attraction at Your Local Polling Place is obviously the exclusive booths. Whether your booth brings the glam with a fancy, semi-private curtain and brand-new voting equipment, or whether it’s been around since the Nineteenth Amendment was enacted, this is where the magic happens!
When you reach your booth, another surprise to look forward to—especially if you’re a first-time visitor—is how you’ll cast your vote! Levers? Punch cards? Electronic machines? Hand-counted paper ballots? Just loudly shouting your top choice? The suspense of not being entirely confident in the method by which your vote will (or will not) be counted is one of the cheapest thrills America has to offer.
Another signature feature of Your Local Polling Place? The parties! The most popular parties are Democratic and Republican, but you don’t have the time, energy, or moral ambiguity to attend both, so choose wisely. (Sometimes there’s a third party, but in recent years everyone there seems wasted.)
To make the most of your visit to Your Local Polling Place, take a moment to soak up the surroundings of the unique venue you’ve been assigned. If it’s deep in the bowels of a church basement, feel free to say a little prayer that your candidate only commits a few crimes as President, instead of hundreds. If it’s in a high-school gym, feel free to reminisce about a time when your only worry involved avoiding dodgeball (instead of constantly fearing the world’s demise). If it’s in the local beauty salon, indulge in some self-care, babe.
If you’ve ever Googled, “What do I even wear to My Local Polling Place?,” here’s the definitive answer: anything. Dress like you just rolled out of bed; dress like you’re trying to have a constitutional meet-cute; dress like the entire nation depends on it.
Rain or shine, light snowflakes or deplorable conditions, it’s crucial that you elect to show up, vote, and receive the wokest accessory of the century—an “I Voted!” sticker, which conveniently goes with anything.
More Things to Know Before You Go
Top travel tip: If you’re the type who lives for drama, definitely wait until Election Day to vote. But if you get the opportunity to vote early or via absentee ballot, take advantage. (You still have your First Amendment right to share a gratuitous voting selfie in front of a mailbox.)
Transportation: Legs, car, bus, train, scooter, trolley, horse—anything to help you reach Your Local Polling Place! If you are the type of traveller who flies home to vote in a swing state, you’re an American hero, and we thank you for your service.
Over-all destination rating: 28/50 stars (Points were deducted for voter suppression, voter fraud, voter-I.D. laws, voter purges, and a number of other ongoing electoral controversies and concerns.)
Must be: 18+
Accepts credit cards: No
Takes reservations: No
Ambiance: Patriotic, romantic, casual—really whatever you want, just go.
Must-try: A free, lukewarm cup of watered-down coffee, if available.
Best time to visit: November
