12.4 C
New York
March 29, 2024
Worship Media
Humorous

Corporate Jargon Adjusted for Quarantine

Think at least six feet outside the box.

Let’s take eighteen steps back.

Don’t touch base until we understand more about how this virus is transmitted.

We have too much skin in the game, and not nearly enough of it is covered.

If you ever need to talk, my door is never open—but my Zoom camera is always on, even when it’s off.

Make hay but also bread, because what else do you have to post on Instagram?

Let’s unpack that idea, wipe it down, and burn the box it came in.

Go for the low-hanging fruit, whenever it’s available again—it’s been out of stock for weeks.

This is our window of opportunity, though, sadly, it faces a wall.

If we think big picture, we’ll have something else to look at. An ocean scene might be nice.

I’m in pocket until my shipment of gloves arrives.

That was a big win—let’s play Clue next.

Why don’t we hit the ground running before sunrise, when fewer people are out.

I bring nothing to the table in order to lower the risk of contamination.

Get your ducks in a row, because I need to see some cute animals right about now.

Let’s never go back to the drawing board—someone sneezed on it.

We’re trailblazers, because the population density is too great everywhere else.

A one-size-fits-all approach won’t work, unless it’s a Niagara Falls poncho and it’s the only thing that’s clean.

There are a lot of moving parts in this thousand-piece jigsaw puzzle, and a few already got swept under the couch.

I have a lot on my plate and it’s mostly kidney beans, because that’s all I bought.

The landscape is changing, I think—I’m not really sure, I haven’t left the house in three weeks.

Stop comparing apples to oranges, you know how much I miss fruit.

Let’s get the ball rolling—it’s my only friend and source of comfort.

At the end of the day, it’s only been a day?!

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/corporate-jargon-adjusted-for-quarantine

Related posts

Some New, Fun Features You’ll Soon Get to Pay for on Twitter

The New Yorker

“All I Want for Christmas Is You” and Five Other Things I’m Sick of Hearing

The New Yorker

How to Guilt People Into Wearing a Face Mask

The New Yorker

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish. Accept Read More

Privacy & Cookies Policy