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November 30, 2022
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Your Virtual Cruise F.A.Q.

“Cruise lines turn to virtual cruising to give a taste of life on the high seas.” —The Telegraph

Here at Royal Sunshine Cruises, even though our fleet is docked, you can still experience a taste of the high seas virtually, from the comfort of your own home. Let us answer a few of your questions about our Virtual Cruise packages.

Will there be a Virtual Cruise director?

Yes! Fun Steve will be broadcasting to you live via Google Hangouts from his apartment in Panama, where the entire crew maintains residency for exactly fifty-one per cent of the year because they love it there, as we’ve explained repeatedly to the I.R.S. But now Fun Steve also gets to enjoy all the perks of working from home. No, he won’t be wearing pants. Yes, he will occasionally be broadcasting from his toilet, but he promises to cough loudly, as necessary.

Is a Virtual Cruise as good as a regular cruise?

Yes! “Cruising” from home might even be better than being on a real cruise because there’s no end in sight. You could be “cruising” forever! Isn’t that great?

Does every morning “aboard” still start with the Captain’s Super Fun Fact™?

As our longtime Cruisers™ know, we begin every Royal Sunshine morning with the Captain’s Super Fun Fact™, and our Virtual Cruises are no different. Today’s Super Fun Fact™? Cruise ships are more effective at growing bacteria than petri dishes are. We are in awe of our own power.

What will my “cabin” look like?

If you’ve ever watched “Tiny House Nation” on A&E and thought, Hey, who are those houses for? A family of Bigfoots?, then you’ll love our physical ship’s Cozy Cabins™. On the Virtual Cruise, you’ll re-create the authentic fifteen-square-foot Royal Sunshine cabin in your own home by hanging sheets around one corner of your bedroom and declaring the rest of the house off limits. If you only paid for an inside stateroom, you should also hang sheets over your window.

What kinds of activities should we expect?

We’ll kick off each day with Zoom towel-folding, taught by Amanda, our head of housekeeping. If you thought being indefinitely quarantined was the greatest test of your stamina, wait until you’ve spent eight hours painstakingly trying to fold your old beach towel into a swan!

Remember: the bar is always open on your Virtual Cruise, so long as you didn’t polish off your entire liquor supply five minutes after you first learned that Tom Hanks had COVID-19.

What are the dining options?

Our main meal of the day, dinner, is served at 3 P.M. It’s an all-you-can-eat buffet of the eight types of beans you’ve squirrelled away in your pantry. Do cannellini, garbanzo, and black beans go together? Sure, why not? They’re all beans, aren’t they? (Note that, even if you didn’t partake, everyone’s bill at the end of the voyage will include the unlimited sushi-and-sake bar.)

For dessert, everyone gets one-fifth of the last remaining Hostess cupcake in your apartment. As you savor every morsel, we recommend that you close your eyes like one of the lost boys in “Hook,” and imagine you’re enjoying our ice-cream-sundae bar. Mmmmm. Remember, nothing tastes as delicious as the freedom of the near-past.

Oh, and on our Virtual Cruise you all get to sit at the Captain’s Table! I should warn you, though—the Captain is very sad right now.

Is there any post-dinner entertainment?

Yes! After dinner, head over to the Diamond Theatre, a.k.a. your den, for tonight’s all-star performance of your children singing whichever lyrics they remember from “Frozen.” Don’t worry about paying royalties on these Disney songs! Disney will follow up with the bill at a later date.

What time does the daily schedule conclude?

Our virtual day ends at 5 P.M., but you should set your clocks forward to convince your kids it’s 8 P.M. You’ll feel like the day has flown by, especially if you’re like Fun Steve, who started drinking while you were hanging those sheets. As our daily programming winds down, we suggest you head back to your room and try to be delightfully surprised by the swan towel you folded earlier. Rest your head on your pillow and enjoy sweet dreams about fearlessly roaming the aisles of a CVS without a mask.

How will we know when it’s time to disembark?

You’ll know the “cruise” is over when your state’s governor tells you it is. So sit back, relax, and enjoy a vacation that is just your regular life, but worse. Bon voyage!

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/your-virtual-cruise-faq

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