00:00
[chimes]
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Hi, I’m Ellie Kemper.
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And I’m Dan Radcliffe.
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And we are at home.
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And today we are going to attempt to
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caption some cartoons in The New Yorker
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Cartoon Caption Contest.
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Good luck us. Good luck.
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To us and our homes.
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So first up we have this guy.
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She seems to be leaving because she’s angry
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about the goats, right?
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She doesn’t seem happy about the goats.
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Are we jumping to conclusions?
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She might just be unhappy in general.
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But…
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He has a sort of worried regretful look on his face.
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All right, I think I’m gonna write something down.
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You write something down, I’ll keep marinating over here.
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I mean the goats are eating the lamp shades, the couch.
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Dan you take it away and then if I think
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I can improve upon it I will, but I doubt that I will.
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So I said, You said, if I had to choose…
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That’s it.
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It’s my mic drop moment.
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I’m dropping the mic.
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It’s a hairbrush, I don’t have a microphone at home.
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[drums pounding]
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We have a classic, I feel like
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this is pretty classic New Yorker.
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Bar, bar scene, he’s in a straitjacket, right?
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That’s a straitjacket, right?
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Is he not escaping from prison?
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I think he is escaping.
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I think we have some Shawshank here.
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And I think he built a tunnel from jail,
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he ended up in this bar.
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The bar is the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.
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I don’t know, do we work that into our caption, Dan?
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I’m really struggling with this one.
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What about, he’s a prisoner, he’s looking,
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he’s probably looking for work.
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An inmate walks into a bar?
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This feels like the start of a joke.
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I could use a drink?
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I’ve earned this.
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I’ve earned this.
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I’ll write it down.
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That was a real team effort–
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Do you know what I’m gonna do?
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Exclamation point.
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Sometimes it’s all about the punctuation.
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And he’s excited, he just escaped from prison
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and he’s in a bar.
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[drums pounding]
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Okay, next one?
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This is a rat in an armchair reading the news,
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while the couple discusses what to do next.
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I have one for this one, but it makes no sense.
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So I’m gonna write it down.
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They seemed very concerned at the door,
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this is an old family dispute, he’s around,
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the brother is still playing it cool.
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Oh I love that, and I feel like it has that quirk
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that we so love in The New Yorker.
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Let’s see what you’ve come up with.
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He’s your brother, just talk to him.
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[laughs]
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I don’t know why…
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I love that!
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[drums pounding]
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Next we have. Okay, next one.
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Okay, this is a grim scene.
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A man and a woman sitting on some cinder blocks
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at what appears to be the end of the world.
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But you know, at the end of the day,
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they still seem to be having some sort of domestic squabble.
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He’s the one talking.
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I mean, there’s just rubble behind them.
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Just devastation.
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And yet, he is still seems to be bothering her in some way.
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I’m writing it.
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Okay.
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It’s not my fault.
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I feel like whatever it is it’s still petty, isn’t it.
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You can tell. Oh yeah.
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So I think something like that’s great.
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Listen, the woman should not be the one
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doing the ironing, but she was in this case.
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It’s not my fault you left the iron on.
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Exclamation point?
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It’s already… [laughs]
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It’s already exclamatory enough.
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[drums pounding]
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Oh, hello.
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This one’s fun.
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This is risque, yes.
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So we have a kick line and one lawyer
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seems very happy and smug,
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and the other lawyer seems very unhappy,
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and the judge also seems to be having a pretty good time.
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Judge is happy, one attorney’s happy, one is mad.
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He’s bad at his job.
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This judge is not a good judge.
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He’s not a good judge.
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And I don’t know a lot about the law.
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But we know enough to spot a bad judge when we see him.
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Should we both write one down and then…
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Okay.
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Have our way with it. Yeah.
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Have our way with it is not the right thing to say here.
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Okay so it’s a kick line, okay the judge is happy.
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And the judge is the one talking.
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See, I always have to remember who’s the one talking here.
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Okay, I’m doing another exclamation point on this one.
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I did as well.
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[Ellie] Oh you did, okay.
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I just said the same thing, yes.
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Let’s see what yours is first.
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Well, your argument has no legal merit,
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but I have to say I am persuaded!
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[drums pounding]
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[claps]
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Bravo!
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Mine are along the same lines.
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I asked for exhibit A, not my dream witness!
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[drums pounding]
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Now isn’t this a sweet vignette.
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[Dan] This is really sweet, and it’s the only one
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that I’ve had an immediate thought for,
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and it’s not nearly as sweet as the thing.
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[Ellie] Okay.
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Now the trees are talking to each other here, right?
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This is the tree having–
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Oh see, this is what I missed already
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because I was about to have the humans talking.
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But you’re right, it’s the tree on our left who’s talking.
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It does seem like some sort of
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pharmaceutical commercial, right?
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Like it’s something… It does.
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Is there something we could do with that?
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Like, some gastrointestinal distress.
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Is that too base.
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The leaves are falling, so it’s autumn.
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The tree is talking, oh it’s too bad
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we’re about to lose…
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Oh it’s too bad winter is coming.
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That’s too Games of Throne-ey.
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Now you’re writing something down,
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do you have a thought?
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I feel like this is also…
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They better be quarantining together.
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[laughs]
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I like that one.
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[drums pounding]
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Okay.
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These are two family members whose lives
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have gone very different ways.
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Right, yeah.
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He’s wearing a suit, he’s changed.
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Yeah.
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He’s shaved.
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The caged lion followed his true path.
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I like the selling out.
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Some people call me a sellout, I call me…
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Not in a cage.
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Yeah. [claps]
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Um… I like that one!
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All right, yeah.
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[drums pounding]
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We did it! We did it!
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You’re welcome New Yorker.
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Yeah.
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Apologies to all the cartoonists.
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Well Dan, I thought we did a pretty good job.
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I though we did okay, yeah.
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It was fun.
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I’m glad I got to do it with you and not on my own.
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Same here, great minds think alike.
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Or at least, two times the number of minds
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come up with more captions.
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Thank you New Yorker Cartoon Caption Contest for having us.