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April 25, 2024
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Humorous

Tantalizing Fantasies After Four Months of Quarantine

Your friend reminds you that you’re going to a concert this Tuesday. You gripe to yourself about how late the headliner goes on, counting the hours of sleep you’re missing. Who decided to even have concerts on weeknights? Your feet still hurt Wednesday morning.

You have a Tinder date tonight. You were excited when you set it up, but now that it’s a few hours before you’re tempted to cancel. You don’t. It’s uneventful. You never text the guy and he never texts you.

You go to Dunkin’ Donuts. There’s a line. You should’ve left your house earlier so that you’d have more time before work. You get in the line anyway. It moves fast. But then your coffee takes forever. You get to work five minutes late. No one notices, but you feel a judgmental vibe from your boss all day.

You go to your co-worker’s birthday dinner. Everyone else there is good friends, but they try their best to include you. You didn’t know if you were supposed to bring a gift or not, so you bought an expensive candle. You’re stunned at how much the bill is at the end of the night and feel grouchy about it for two days.

You decide to try a trendy ramen place. The wait is absurdly long and you think about bailing. You don’t and the soup is really good.

You stop by a bookstore to get a book that your friend keeps mentioning. You can’t find it on any of the best-seller tables. You aimlessly wander around for a couple of minutes but can’t figure out what it’s called or where it is. You don’t want to ask an employee for help, but, after ten more minutes of fruitless Googling, you ask. It was on the table that you just checked. You buy a pen, too.

You go to the beach on a beautiful day. It’s so crowded, and you didn’t bring enough water or sunscreen or snacks. By 2 P.M., you’re overheated and need to go home. You put aloe on your arms while watching “Bachelor in Paradise” in the dark.

You decide to splurge at the fancy ice-cream place. Was the cashier flirting with you? No, he was probably just being friendly. Your friends think he was flirting. You go back often, but never see him again.

Your friend is late for brunch. You pace outside the restaurant, hoping that no one is paying any attention to you as you awkwardly kill time. A lady walks by with a cute dog. Your friend arrives. The mimosas are overpriced.

You watch “Law & Order” on a TV at the laundromat while you wait for the towels to finish drying. You’ve definitely seen this episode before, but you can’t remember who did it. You recognize the defense attorney from ​somewhere​, but you’re not sure where. Your towels are done and folded before the episode finishes, but you linger for a few minutes to see the end. Actually, have you seen this episode before? Maybe it was another one.

You go to the movie theatre. You get popcorn and a Diet Coke from the fountain. The popcorn isn’t that good, and you don’t understand the movie. Your train is delayed on the way home.

You’re at your parents’ house. Your dad wants to show you an old film on TV. You let him.

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/tantalizing-fantasies-after-four-months-of-quarantine

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