The objective of this game was originally just to pick a square and stay put until everything blew over. But, due to recent shifts in government messaging, the objective is now to move around the board as much as possible and stimulate the economy without losing property or dying. The game ends when all players have declared bankruptcy OR when the government agrees on an economic bailout. Note: there is no limit to how long this game can be played.
Money
Each player will be given a starting “stimulus” of twelve hundred dollars in paper money. Or they’re told they will be, anyway. Some players may not receive this amount, for unspecified reasons, and will instead begin the game horribly in debt to the bank. The twelve hundred dollars is also not actually enough to buy any of the properties on the board, but it is enough to eat at the Dean & DeLuca Salad Bar square, which you’re welcome to stop at every time you pass “Go.”
Player Pieces
Travel is risky in a global pandemic, which is why you have a range of options to choose from for your player piece! You can opt to travel by car, train, cannon, shoe, iron, thimble, or top hat. All things considered, the cannon is probably your safest bet.
Properties
There are a number of properties on the board, all of which have different assigned values. The most expensive and coveted property is, of course, the Boardwalk. But it’s closed right now. Kentucky Avenue and Indiana Avenue are also expensive, but dicey. Landing on Florida Avenue eliminates you from the game immediately.
“Chance” and the Community Chest
These spaces help move the game along with exciting and unpredictable developments. Some examples of the cards you might draw while on them include:
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INHERITED WEALTH: You now have unlimited income for the rest of the game. You don’t even need to continue playing, really. You can just hide out on the “second home” square until you get bored.
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HEAD UPSTATE: Head directly upstate. Do not pass “Go.” Do not collect your six-hundred-dollar unemployment check. You must remain upstate for at least six turns, or until the “car” player offers to pick you up and bring you back.
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MAN COUGHED ON YOU: Lose a turn and approximately three nights of sleep.
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TEST POSITIVE FOR ANTIBODIES: Move to any space on the board.
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TEST NEGATIVE FOR ANTIBODIES: Move to any space on the board, but feel worse about it.
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GET OUT OF IN-PERSON-WEDDING PLAN: Thank god.
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GET INTO A FACEBOOK ARGUMENT WITH UNCLE WHO REFUSES TO WEAR A MASK: Lose two turns and whatever you were going to inherit from him.
Bankruptcy
Most players will end up bankrupt before the game is over. Some even before the game starts. If you completely run out of money and property, you have no choice but to move back in with your parents and retire from the game.
Free Parking
This is just a resting space. Enjoy it. Stay as long as you like. It’s the only rest you’ll be getting for a long, long time.
