Now that it’s gone viral, I just need to clarify a few things about that video.
I’m not a doctor. I’m also not a statistician, a meteorologist, a lawyer, a politician, a generally informed individual, a scientist of any kind, a gymnast of any kind, a historian, or even an historian. I’m also not a squirrel. I’m not saying this to justify any of the content in the video (especially the slo-mo part), nor am I trying to avoid a lawsuit. I actually invite lawsuits! They’re cute. Send me all of them.
Those quotes from Jesus and Gandhi and my local pediatrician were all real and in context, although they may have been paraphrased or misunderstood owing to translation/oral tradition/being out of context/being mildly to completely fabricated.
Yes, that is my real hair. In the slo-mo part, where you see more of it, that’s, like, eighty per cent my real hair.
I am now aware that what was labelled as footage from a recent protest was in actuality doctored footage from a June, 1989, episode of “Sesame Street.” Not to place blame, but I blame the doctors.
It also turns out that Siri and Alexa did not have a trafficking ring, of the human type or of the car type, and that it’s actually impossible to hide human organs in either of their voices.
A lot of you are making fun of my pronunciation, but, for the record, I really was talking about the Ku Klux Clam.
Several of my former friends and former parents and also a few celebrities (hi, Alyssa Milano!) have kindly alerted me to the fact that the audio from both Nancy Pelosi clips has somehow been replaced with a speech by a singer (?) named Mussolini. I legitimately don’t know how that could have happened, but I want everyone to know that I have a SoundCloud and a Patreon.
That’s not my nipple. I’m not saying it’s not anyone’s nipple, but it’s not mine.
The “incorrect” statistic regarding vaccinations turns out to be completely correct if you apply it to nutmeg poisoning.
Earlier, when I said the thing about lawsuits, I feel I should clarify that what I thought I was talking about were jumpsuits, which are apparently a different thing. (One is clothing.)
Yes, that is my cat who runs through the shot at 18:02—thanks for asking!! Her name is Rescue, and she’s a tenth-generation competition-and-sushi-grade pedigreed H1N1 long-hair Bengal-and-cream-cheese mix that I bought on Conservapedia Marketplace from a very legit breeder named Back Yard Sh-h-h-h-h Cash App Only. Her favorite food is liberal tears.
I did alter the Bible quotes just a little, but it was only to make them look cute.
In the slo-mo part, I think mostly what you’re all reacting somewhat strongly to might be the animation? I just want to be clear that the dancing blur was intended to be the mouth.
Finally, no, I do not attend that preschool, nor do I have any children of my own besides the ones I reference throughout the video, who are metaphors. Did I try to record those international-cabal secrets by planting a microphone in a strange child’s lunch box? Yes. Did I need to remove a string cheese to make room for it? Absolutely. Did it not matter anyway, because the microphone was ruined by leaking fruit juice? It is certain. Do I still believe those things I said in the fourteen-minute rap? A hundred per cent.
I hope that this has cleared up most of the issues you’ve all been reporting/blocking me about! For any viewers who lost their jobs after reposting, thank you for reposting! The truth is, I love the truth, but, even more than that, I love the idea of loving the truth, without whose help I couldn’t have made “Open Your Eyes: Covidfluencer Propagandamerica Lies and Neon Eye-Makeup Tutorial 2: The Second Video: So Much More Neon.” Link below! ♦
