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March 29, 2024
Worship Media
Humorous

Dear Pepper: Take a Seat

Pepper's paw touching a letter on a table.

Dear Pepper,

Like many hyper-sensitive New Yorkers, I️ have a sixth sense for restaurant real estate. If I’m meeting two friends at an outdoor café, I’ll immediately scan the area for the best table, then do the complex equation, lightning quick, in my head, of which seat to claim for myself and which to offer the friend or friends who will sit down after me. (I️ always try to offer up the better seat, of course, and have a great fear of committing the faux pas of offering the worst one.)

Side and aerial view of caf tables.

Twice in the past month, with two different sets of friends, I️ was the second person to sit down at a round table at an outdoor restaurant. Both times, I️ took the seat that was hardest to get to—wedged in a corner—but had the best view. Both times, I️ decided that it was kinder to offer my friend the easiest-to-access seat rather than the most sequestered, albeit more interesting, one. I️ suppose that I️ could have stood back, done a hand-wavy “After you!” thing, and let the third friend sit before I did, but this would have felt awkward and obsequious.

Get this: both times, the first friend to sit down seemed concerned for the third friend, and offered to change seats with her.

Two people sitting at a caf table.

“Oh, Meryl, do you want to switch seats with me so you can have a view?”

Both times, I️ just about died of shame. Should I️ choose differently next time?

Yours,
A Monster


Dear Monster,

Personally, I think you did right!

Unless you’re leaving something out about how the third seat was smack in the line of oncoming pedestrian traffic—and, if it was, no one should have been sitting there, not even you—I ️agree that the easiest-to-access seat is the more practical one to offer.

But, as a kind of experiment, you might try to offer the seat with the view next time, and see what new horrors arise.

In terms of strict social correctness, I suppose one should try to be the last person to sit. But then you have to decide whether to accept the prime seat offered or to do the “No, I️ couldn’t possibly!” dance.

I️ guarantee that, if your friends are as sensitive as you are to these absurdities, Friend No. 1 is also still worrying about their role in the awkwardness. Friend No. 1 is thinking, I️ shouldn’t have offered my seat to Friend No. 3; I️ accidentally shamed poor Friend No. 2.

Who knows what Friend No. 3 is thinking, but I️ highly doubt that it’s Darn it, I️ wish I️ had a better view of the sidewalk at lunch!

But, again, who knows. There was a time a few years ago when I️ didn’t get a window seat on a long bus ride that I️ still think about incessantly.

Person looking out window of bus.

It was a fancy bus, the Dartmouth Coach, and my trip was ruined by the jutting elbow of the person next to me. And don’t get me started on the times I️ chose to sit on the wrong side of the Amtrak Vermonter train and missed the dreamy Hudson River view. Ah, public transportation. Ah, travel. Ah, restaurants. Ah, friends.

Sincerely,
Pepper


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