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New York
March 28, 2024
Worship Media
Humorous

Re: Your Chocolate Order Has Shipped!

Hi.

I paid for overnight shipping on order No. 1000033321.

I ordered these items—three containers of hazelnut-praline paste—on Tuesday.

I expected the three containers of hazelnut-praline paste on Wednesday, Thursday at the latest. I need the three containers of hazelnut-praline paste for a birthday cake for my son.

His birthday is on Sunday.

His birthday party is on Sunday.

The cake needs to be in the freezer by Saturday.

It is a banana-hazelnut cake from the “Momofuku Milk Bar” book.

Probably you know that book.

The recipes are great, very extra.

And extra-complicated.

Multifaceted.

It was important that I get started on the cake early.

It will need to be in the freezer for twelve hours.

And then it thaws for three hours in the fridge.

And I need the hazelnut paste to make the hazelnut crunch.

As well as the hazelnut frosting.

Two integral parts of the cake.

FedEx tracking tells me that these items will arrive on Saturday.

The overnight-shipping cost was high.

The cost of the product was high.

Yet I will not be able to use these items to make the cake.

I am so disappointed.

I don’t want to try to make hazelnut-praline paste from scratch.

Before I placed my order for the three containers of hazelnut-praline paste, my husband found a mom-blog recipe for homemade hazelnut-praline paste.

No way.

You probably know how tedious it is to peel hazelnuts.

Very tedious.

That was my first kitchen job, actually.

My first job in a kitchen.

Working as a dishwasher at a bistro on New Year’s Eve, I was given a white towel with an orange stripe and shown how to work the skins off hazelnuts.

At first, this is satisfying.

That is because the loosest skins come off easily, with a papery sound.

Less satisfying is trying to take off the stuck skins.

Fingernails are needed.

You make little dents and gouges in the nut.

I can’t bake the regular birthday cake from the “Momofuku Milk Bar” book. I made that for my son’s last birthday.

And last year I made a pumpkin Milk Bar cake.

And a pineapple upside-down Milk Bar cake.

And a mint chocolate-chip Milk Bar cake.

My son is obsessed with the new Milk Bar cookbook, “All About Cake.” He takes it off the shelf every day and pages through it.

His favorite page features the truffle croquembouche.

All year, I said I was going to make that.

It ultimately seemed too complicated.

I do not shy away from complicated.

Case in point, I ordered hazelnut-praline paste from your company. I used to work in pastry.

If Christina Tosi recommends your hazelnut-praline paste in her first book, the book she wrote before Milk Bar was everywhere, I trust her.

Since the pandemic started, I’ve been living in a small town. There is no specialty chocolatier here.

I am three hours from Chicago.

Is there a stockist of your hazelnut-praline paste in the city? I could, I suppose, drive there and back tomorrow. Tomorrow is a busy day.

And I have already spent seventy dollars on hazelnut-praline paste. This is a lot of money.

I could’ve ordered a Milk Bar cake for sixty-five dollars.

Not the banana-hazelnut cake, but still.

And it’s not like I would outsource my son’s birthday cake.

I am not sure if I am asking for a refund.

I grew up with a mother who always asked for a refund.

“Asked” is too polite a word.

Demanded.

She really made customer-service people break.

Ergo, I have always tried to be extra kind in customer-service situations.

Like, even when I’m furious, as I am right now, I try to remain measured and calm and convey that I am just a person.

A person with a story.

That story is the story of why hazelnut-praline paste was so important to me. Thank you for your time.


More Humor

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/re-your-chocolate-order-has-shipped

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