Because my lunch avocado was perfectly ripe.
Because I drank just the right amount of coffee to make me feel awake and alert—maybe a little wired, but not jittery.
Because I came in first place in the office cornhole tournament, and when Craig from Sales said, “Wow, you did really well for a girl!,” another colleague snapped back with, “What do you mean, ‘for a girl’? She beat all your asses.” And I appreciated the support.
Because I bought a new bra and I appreciated that support, too.
Because my boss gave me a hard time about my extended lunch break, and I told him that it was for a gynecologist appointment, and he felt so uncomfortable that he quit.
Because my gynecologist has mastered the art of warming the speculum.
Because Taylor Swift is working on a new album, which means that we can continue using her lyrics for the coded messages we’ve been sending in our efforts to overthrow the patriarchy.
Because once we overthrow the patriarchy we might see some actual change, like a new bill outlawing any women’s shirts that are so sheer that we have to wear a second shirt underneath.
Because my best friend got a promotion that she totally deserved.
Because Craig from Sales got a weird rash that he totally deserved.
Because I went for a jog through the park after work and saw some guy get hit in the nuts with a frisbee.
Because my husband asked where I wanted to go for dinner, and I said, “Umm, I don’t know, where do you want to go?,” and just as I was gearing up for three hours of back-and-forth and a likely divorce, he said, “Olive Garden.”
Because I was elbows deep in a bottomless pasta bowl.
Because nobody noticed when I swaddled three breadsticks in a cloth napkin and slipped them into my purse.
Because my team lost bar trivia after I said that it’s a beaver’s teeth that never stop growing, but the guys were, like, “No, I think the tail makes more sense,” and then submitted that as our final answer even though that couldn’t make less sense. But I was still cheery because I made it through the entire night without anyone touching my lower back.
Because I was in the bar restroom and discovered that I’d unexpectedly gotten my period, and when the stranger in the next stall over slipped me a tampon I said, “Sisterhood of the travelling tampon!,” and we laughed for a long, long time, and then she asked me to be the maid of honor at her wedding.
Because Craig from Sales said, “You’d look prettier if you smiled,” and I yelled, “I’m already pretty enough!!!,” and he shrivelled up and died right there on the sidewalk.
