WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Justice Brett Kavanaugh has expressed concern that President Biden’s nominee to the United States Supreme Court will, in the jurist’s words, “hog the keg.”
“Breyer was cool, because whenever we had a party at the courthouse he was good for one Solo cup—two, tops,” Kavanaugh told reporters. “You never worried about Breyer draining the keg dry.”
But, with a new Justice joining the court, Kavanaugh said, “You could wind up with someone who’s a straight-up keg hog, and that would suck.”
Drawing on his own experience, the Justice said, “I can remember one time during Beach Week, Tobin practically attached himself to the keg like he owned it. You’d go to get a refill, and the keg would be empty and all, and meanwhile Tobin managed to get good and polluted.”
“The last thing the United States Supreme Court needs is a Tobin,” Kavanaugh added ruefully.
