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February 11, 2026
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Humorous

How to Break Up with Your Phone

Woman sleeping next to her phone looking at her phone while eating and sitting up in bed looking at her phone.

You wake up together, you eat together, you sleep together. Sometimes you shower together. You know that it’s no longer love, exactly, but you’re too deeply entangled to leave. He knows your rhythms, your insecurities, your REM cycle—your cycle. He’s made himself needed, and now you don’t exist without one another.

Phone holding a phone.

Pro: He knows all your passwords.
Con: He knows all your passwords.
Pro: He tells you nice things about yourself, such as “You walked eight thousand steps today!”
Con: He also knows when you’ve failed. (“Yesterday, you didn’t meet your step goal.”)
Pro: He knows your taste in memes better than anyone.
Con: He may be using memes to manipulate your taste and desires.

Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/humor/shouts-murmurs/how-to-break-up-with-your-phone

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