Ethan, a.k.a. Butt Dawg (HAHAHAHA)! All I can say is two things: 1) “Piled-high nachos!” and 2) Think of me when you’re some Wall Street big shot, and I appear in a documentary about my first six months in prison for starting a wildfire with an unfiltered cigarette I tossed into some bone-dry vegetation. —Milo
Do you like my fancy signature? I’ve been practicing since sixth grade, in each and every class, just daydreaming about becoming really, really famous. Remember my name! —Richie Randigan
P.S. I never become famous.
You asked me to sign your yearbook because I am unpopular and you feel sorry for me. You thought it was a good deed, but I see through your condescension. It brings no relief. —Nico
You’re such an AMAZING WRITER! I’M SO JEALOUS! I can’t wait to read that one book you’ll self-publish years from now, a children’s book about a talking stapler with a huge heart. —Mary P.
We’ve sat in the same classes for the past ten years but I’ve never said a word. You might know me as Mitch Spencer. The rest of the world will soon know me as TruthSlayerXX on TikTok. Do you have the nerve to take the red pill and see into the Matrix like I have? I’ve taken the red pill! In a few years, I will also take the white pill to prevent hair loss. —Best, Mitch R. Spencer
I’m the kid you’ll see on CNN talking about changing the world and you’ll think, Wait a minute, isn’t that the same guy who threw up on his sneakers in Algebra II and then cried so hard his mother had to pick him up? That guy became successful?! —Ronnie
Yoooooo! Parties down by the lake, beers out by the old water tower, that epic night at Henry’s—just some of the legendary memories we never made because we were bland and fearful. —Mike
Promise me we’ll always, always be best amigas! That is, until I realize you were merely the least lame option in a small student body, and I replace you with friends who reflect my actual preferences. XOXOXO —Lisa
You handed me your yearbook, and I will write something nice out of obligation. —Wishing You the Very Very Best, Mr. Richards
You and I are never leaving this godforsaken town. There is no escape for the likes of us. See you tomorrow, I guess. —Margot ♦
