Trapped in a sweltering house with only stupid squeaky toys to keep you company? Run out of things to destroy? Post-surgery cone preventing you from licking your wound and other fun? Why not download Dogible, runner-up for the 2025 Council for Canine Dental Care’s award for Unchewable Entertainment (first place went to staring at the wall). Our audiobooks are available in Bark, Woof-Woof, Whimper, and Latin. Unlike Pawdible™, we do not believe that dogs want to learn Italian. Below, some highlights from the summer catalogue.
“The Myth of Sisyfetch”
The ball is thrown. You retrieve it. It’s thrown again. You retrieve it. Again, again, again—forever. We must imagine Sisyfetch happy. But are you?
“You Are Good: Affirmations for Dogs Who Don’t Believe It”
Shoo those negative emotions away with phrases such as “You are a good dog. . . . Yes, you. . . . Even when you eat the couch . . . especially then. . . . Anyway, you didn’t eat the whole couch. . . . Anyway, you did them a favor . . . chintz?!” Perfect if you feel remorse about drooling on Aunt Gussie on purpose, suffer from guilt about the Sunday Incident, or struggle with chronic anxiety about whether you are really a good boy or just O.K.
“The Mailman Cometh”
Did you know that a single serving (two bites) of a mailman provides twenty-seven grams of protein (fifty-four per cent D.V.), and up to thirty-nine grams if the mailman is free-range? Did you know that mailmen, unlike kibble, contain no corn-gluten feed, and, if eaten in moderation, are considered a staple of the Mediterranean diet? From this nutrition guidebook, you’ll learn how to get the physique of a whippet and the vision of a Seeing Eye dog, without having to give up your mailman addiction.
“Good Riddance, Moon”
Good night, delicious corner of rug, newly fringed. Good night, sofa pillow, now exploded snow globe. Good night, passport, which expires in three months anyway. Good night, sticks and rocks I brought inside to give the bed a more back-to-nature feel. Good night, tax returns. Good night, house training. Hello, trazodone cheese cube.
“How to Frame the Cat (and, If There’s No Cat, the Seven-Year-Old)”
Based on the ancient Chinese text “The Art of War,” this survival handbook teaches couch destruction with plausible deniability, hiding your humans’ shoes so they can’t leave, using the sad face to secure a second dinner, and destroying the vacuum cleaner (remember when they neutered you? It’s like that). Recorded at a pitch not detectable by human beings.
“Unleashless” (Abridged)
Steakly, plump beef chuck mouthfullagain bearing a bowl of chips nachocheese. Crumb floor? No crumb, dust bunny. Chase. Door open open now. Run outside before comes leash. Outside! Smellsmellsmell ghost of bacon. Scent of processed meat, pig blood, hot-dog-bun pun. Bjnoqfekd. Trijl qegbwt. Qetryoijk. Smell home-before-home. Inside. Treat? And then I asked him with my paws to ask again yes and then he said Krunchy Kanine Kibble? And yes I said yes I will Yes. ♦
