WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Donald J. Trump pulled an all-nighter on Wednesday, using a Sharpie to cross out Lev Parnas from photos taken with him at hundreds of events.
Trump, his hands blackened by ink, started working his way through a mountainous stack of photos of him and Parnas at approximately 10 P.M., a White House source confirmed.
After more than an hour of obliterating Parnas, Trump reportedly barked at his son-in-law, Jared Kushner, to fetch Vice-President Mike Pence and Attorney General William Barr to assist with the Parnas deletions.
“Get Pence and Barr in here!” Trump reportedly thundered. “If I’m going down, they’re going down!”
According to the White House source, Pence and Barr appeared within minutes but were not joined by Representative Devin Nunes, who had barricaded himself inside his congressional office with a Sharpie and his phone logs.
