Name: Anthony González
Grade: 7
The book I chose to read this summer is . . .
“The Grimoire of the Coven of the Newe England,” and it is an undiscovered gem of American literature. For real undiscovered, because I found this book buried deep in the ground after my dog, Alfie, dug up the back yard at this Airbnb in Massachusetts where me, my mom, and her boyfriend, Judd, were staying this past summer.
The author of this book is . . .
Ms. Perkins, I tried looking but I couldn’t find any author. All it said on the first page was “BEWARE ye who read these pages for ye will learn the ways of Hell and in so doing renounce the God of Men.” So I guess Anonymous? Or Shakespeare.
The genre of the book is . . .
I think the genre of “The Grimoire of the Coven of the Newe England” is grimoire, or spell book. That’s my guess, because the word is in the title, and also because the whole thing is, like, fifty pages of spells with pictures of some ladies dancing naked around a fire with a demon that has a giant p*nis. I know I’m too old for picture books but I was in a bind, Ms. P! There were no other books in the house, and Mom and Judd said that maybe we could go into town to see if they had a bookstore there, but when we went the only bookstore they had there was a gas station that sold maps, books about talking to angels, and also truck nutz.
The main character in the book is . . .
I think the main character in the book is you? Like, the person reading it? Because the book is just a manual, there are no characters—unless you count the people in the illustrations. In that case, the main character is probably the p*nis demon. He’s in a lot of them.
What I liked most about the book is . . .
The illustrations. Not only do they help you understand what the spells do but they also show you some stuff I definitely can’t write about in a book report for school!
The most challenging thing about this book is . . .
The old-timey language, like the “ye”s and the “thou”s and the “give thine soule to the Prince of Darkness”es. I tried to Google “when was the grimoire of the coven of the newe england written?” but when I did a green light came out of the book and blasted my phone out of my hands and across the room. It bounced off the wall and hit Alfie in the face, killing him on the spot.
What I disliked most about the book is . . .
When the book killed my dog.
This book made me feel . . .
SCARED.
This book taught me . . .
A lot! Mostly the chapter called “To Re-turne a Loved One to This Realme.” I used that spell to bring back Alfie! So I learned that the world of the living and the world of the dead are closer than we thought. Plus, I recited the incantation in Latin—even though I didn’t know I could speak it! So I guess this book also taught me a third language.
