Paul Revere’s Unabridged Instructions
Sexton Newman, I won’t beat around the briar—the British are coming. Thankfully, your belfry is lousy with lanterns. If you follow my simple instructions, our...
Category : Humorous
America!: Insane Clown Posse Changes Their Name to Pretty Reasonable Clown Posse
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My Great Meeting with God
He called me. I want to be clear about that. I didn’t call Him. He invited me up personally. Very selective crowd. Very hard ticket....
Clapback to the Future
PAST: HieroglyphicsPRESENT: EmojisFUTURE: Complicated eye blinking PAST: Renaissance-court paintersPRESENT: Plastic surgeonsFUTURE: CRISPR PAST: Yerosha, the monkey cosmonautPRESENT: The Britney Spears conservatorshipFUTURE: President Barron Trump PAST:...
Mr. Men I’ve Dated
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Job Opportunities for Former Screenwriters
Now that Hollywood is dead, it’s time to pivot to marketing. Just kidding—A.I. took most of those jobs. Luckily, your unique skill set is the...
Mind-Blowing Life Hacks to Rectify Reflecting-Pool Problems!
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The Pied Piper
“That’s what happens when you eat something!” the Pied Piper said. “It goes away! That’s how food works!” And the kid cried harder. A lot...
Clearing Out Dad’s Room
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Things I Am Worried Will Happen While I Drink Coffee from My “Super Dad” Mug
One of my children, whom I’m supposed to be watching, will get hurt. Specifically, my one-year-old son will get hurt, then glare at me and...