WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Desperately trying to change the narrative after a week of damaging presentations, Donald J. Trump’s defense team is scrambling to find an example of one law that Trump did not break, sources confirmed on Friday.
In concert with two of Jeffrey Epstein’s most prominent defenders, Alan Dershowitz and Kenneth Starr, Trump’s personal attorney Jay Sekulow has been scouring federal, state, and municipal law books in the hopes of finding one statute that Trump, for whatever reason, did not violate.
“So far, no luck,” a source close to the defense team said.
If the attorneys do manage to find a law that Trump did not break, that information will be “locked down” in a secure server to which Trump himself will not have access.
“They’re trying to prevent the worst-case scenario, where Trump discovers there’s a law he hasn’t broken yet and immediately goes and breaks it,” the source said.
As the pressure on the defense team mounts, Dershowitz has privately expressed regret that he got involved with Trump’s case.
“O.J. was easier than this,” he was overheard muttering.
