An early Colonial settler was mysteriously labelled racist for throwing a smallpox-infected blanket into a Native American home while screaming, “Die, Injuns.” He slowly succumbed to a broken heart from being called racist once, unlike the Native Americans he attacked, who had the good fortune to perish quickly, from the smallpox.
A former Confederate soldier was completely offended when he was asked to attend two days of mandatory diversity training after the Civil War.
A woman called racist for supporting the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882 suffered the indignity of getting promoted at work by a boss who agreed with her.
A white man who helped lynch a black man who might have briefly looked at a white woman, but probably didn’t, heroically dragged himself through seven minutes of depression after some white kids who knew what he did called him racist.
The owner of a whites-only lunch counter once had to hold out his arms for a couple of minutes so that people could see there weren’t any racist bones in them.
A two-year-old kid cried for a solid hour after a three-year-old called him racist for saying “build the wall” and then building a wall out of Legos so that he didn’t have to look at the brown kid down the street.
When someone claimed a woman was racist for using the N-word, that woman tragically lost her appetite for the last three forkfuls of brunch.
