CALIFORNIA (The Borowitz Report)—Despondent after yesterday’s recall election, millions of California Republicans are fleeing the state for Florida and Texas in search of dumber governors.
The Republicans are choosing to leave their lives in California behind rather than put up with another year and a half of a governor who oppressively follows science.
Harland Dorrinson, a real-estate agent in Orange County, said that he was leaving for a new life in Florida with little more than the Rolex on his arm.
“I looked at myself in the mirror and asked, Can I really live under the tyranny of a governor who blindly adheres to verifiable reality?” he said. “I decided I’d be better off with Ron DeSantis.”
Although he is excited about starting over in the Sunshine State, Dorrinson said that choosing between Florida and Texas was “one of the toughest decisions” of his life.
“With Governor Abbott and Governor DeSantis, you really can’t go wrong,” he said. “Both of them oppose mask mandates. Both of them oppose vaccine mandates. But DeSantis has actually had his videos banned from YouTube for spreading COVID misinformation. That was the tiebreaker for me.”
