WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In an urgent measure to combat surging gas prices, President Biden has authorized the emergency release of oil from Representative Matt Gaetz of Florida.
According to oil-industry experts, Gaetz has the third-largest supply of petroleum reserves in the world, less than Saudi Arabia but more than Canada.
After tapping the oleaginous Gaetz, Biden said that crude from the Florida congressman could start flowing throughout the United States by the end of the week.
Speaking at the White House, the President said that he regretted not authorizing the release of oil from Gaetz earlier. “This could solve our energy needs for decades,” he said.
