To: Board of Directors
From: National Review Committee for National Day Designations
Date: August 1, 2026
Re: Approved and Denied National Day Applications
The Committee has received an unusually large volume of correspondence recently—new applications for National Day designations. In honor of this month’s National Just Because Day, the committee has reviewed every e-mail, letter, telegram, and (one) fax that we have received—just because. In the spirit of National Say Something Nice Day, we endeavor to respond to each application nicely. In the spirit of National Go Barefoot Day, we hope not to step on a rusty nail, particularly given our recent rejection of the application for a National Tetanus Shot Day.
The application for a National Pieces of Pretzel Have No Calories Day, as a separate entity from National Pretzel Day, has been denied. While the Committee appreciates the distinction between a pretzel and a broken piece of a pretzel (obviously, the broken piece is not the pretzel, the pretzel is the pretzel), we are unable to verify the underlying science of creative calorie distribution.
The Committee continues to recognize National Pizza Day, but denies the petition for a distinct New York-Style Pizza Day. The Committee simply can’t entertain pizza-style subdivisions. For example, Neapolitan pizza does not meet the requirements for national designation because its international scope is, by definition, outside our jurisdiction. And, frankly, we have concerns about Chicago-style retaliation, which we believe would be both swift and wildly disproportionate.
The submission to expand programming for National Chocolate-Chip Cookie Day to include other, nut-based baked goods is denied. The Committee is not inclined to reëngage with the Nut Allergy Alliance and Associates (NAAA), who are notoriously organized and vigilant and who have not demonstrated a sense of humor, particularly when told they are behaving “a little nuts.”
*By contrast, the Shellfish Allergy Symposium Society (SASS) remains, on the whole, a delight to work with, though we continue to regret the holiday gift we sent (magnets that uncannily resemble shrimp sushi). That’s on us.
The Flagel Inclusion Request for National Bagel Day is denied. The Committee recognizes the very vocal flagel community, but we are not prepared to diversify the bagel category at this time. Also, we cannot, in good conscience, enter the “Isn’t a flagel just a bialy?” dispute.
*The committee would like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that National Bagel Day is itself hanging on by a crumb given the ongoing pressure from the Gluten Allergy Symposium (GAS).
The Committee has unanimously approved National Looking for Your Phone While Holding Your Phone Day. The companion application for National Looking for Your Sunglasses While They Are on Your Head Day, however, has been denied, owing to a suspected sponsorship by the brand Croakies.
The request for a National Drink with Lunch Day is denied. It has come to our attention that many of the existing National Day designations on the calendar were approved by a previous Committee whose tenure appears to have coincided with a daily observance of this very occasion. We cannot formally rescind those decisions, but we also do not intend to give them more oxygen.
The Committee has reviewed the request for a National Lobby Day. We note that the most recent petition was submitted by the Lobby Lobby, lobbying for its own petition. This petition from the Lobby Lobby, in addition to the subsequent petition from the Lobby Lobby, lobbying the handling of that petition, are both denied.
The Committee has denied the application for a National Avoid All Social Media Day. While we appreciate the spirit, we are concerned that, without social media, it will be difficult to raise awareness of the day itself, let alone measure its success in any meaningfully performative way. The Board recognizes that this presents a classic chicken-or-egg dilemma. However, since the National Chicken-or-Egg Day application has previously been denied, we are not prepared to reverse our decision and open up that can of worms.
*National Can of Worms Day has also been denied.
Finally, the Committee has approved the request for a National Thank God It’s Monday Day. This designation asks only that people approach the beginning of the week with gratitude. We appreciate this sentiment, while also recognizing that this request was received from the National Association of Parents of Toddlers (NAPT) whose motives are not entirely pure.
The Committee encourages more submissions of this nature, and notes that the application for a National Day for the Pitching of National Days remains under review. ♦
