00:02
[glass clinking]
00:04
I just wanted to say, thank you all so much for coming.
00:07
I am so excited for everyone to meet each other.
00:11
Let’s just raise a glass to new friends,
00:14
each so accomplished in their own way,
00:17
not that it’s a contest. [laughing]
00:22
[All] To new friends!
00:25
[glasses clinking]
00:26
[soothing music]
00:33
Oh, my God, that’s the roast.
00:34
I’m over here making a toast, I should be making a roast.
00:38
[all laughing]
00:39
I’ll be right back, okay?
00:43
So what do you do?
00:45
I am a musician.
00:46
Oh, I’m also an artist.
00:48
I’m the Creative Director of RGA.
00:53
We got an ASME.
00:56
It’s the biggest award in advertising.
01:00
They give awards for advertising?
01:05
Yeah, of course.
01:06
What, are you joking?
01:07
Are you joking?
01:09
[Both] Are you joking?
01:10
The climate science that we’re doing today
01:14
has a direct effect on the policies of tomorrow,
01:17
which is what I’m constantly telling
01:19
my research team at Yale.
01:24
I actually submit to Yale.
01:27
I’m a writer. [murmuring]
01:30
Yeah, I write mostly for The Paris Review.
01:32
That’s a review of Paris?
01:37
Oh, I just got a new follower.
01:39
Isn’t that brilliant?
01:40
And so one follower equates to how much in financing?
01:43
Every time I post a photo, I make $50,000.
01:46
You’re a model?
01:47
Yes.
01:48
Wow, interesting.
01:49
I’m just like that
01:50
except I can talk, dance, sing and juggle.
01:51
How many Instagram followers do you have?
01:53
I don’t have Instagram.
01:54
I’m an artist.
01:55
Bullshit, what’s your Instagram?
01:58
[dramatic music]
02:00
You can’t change people’s minds with words.
02:02
What matters today is hard science.
02:05
That’s like comparing apples to oranges.
02:07
Everyone knows an apple a day keeps the doctor away,
02:10
while oranges don’t do shit.
02:12
Oranges are amazing!
02:13
Are you stupid?
02:15
Are you?
02:16
Actually I have the most-read article
02:18
on this website for articles.
02:20
Everyone, I have the most-viewed essay.
02:22
Thank you!
02:23
No body reads essays anymore.
02:24
You know what they do read?
02:25
Commercials.
02:26
Millions of people saw my Geico spot.
02:28
Both of you are idiots.
02:30
My research saves lives.
02:32
How many lives have you saved?
02:33
I’ve played a doctor six different times
02:35
on network television.
02:36
I save lives.
02:37
How many Instagram followers do you have?
02:39
How many what?
02:39
Instagram followers.
02:40
I don’t know what that is.
02:41
Let’s calm down.
02:42
There’s a simple way to figure this out.
02:45
Everyone empty out your wallets.
02:46
Whoever has the most, wins.
02:49
How many women have you slept with?
02:50
How many?
02:52
I’m not gonna answer that question.
02:53
Then you, then you lose.
02:54
Loser.
02:55
Okay, I’ll say.
02:56
I’ve, two.
02:58
[dramatic music]
02:58
I am the face of Lancôme.
03:00
The face of it.
03:02
My agency wrote that Lancôme commercial for you.
03:04
You just read the lines.
03:06
And you call that writing?
03:09
You call that writing.
03:10
You call that writing.
03:11
You call that writing.
03:13
[high pitched noises]
03:17
[heavy guitar music]
03:22
I can improv in Shakespeare if you want to hear.
03:23
Okay, I’ll begin.
03:24
Tomorrow and tonight.
03:26
Send a huge stretch limo to pick me up.
03:28
You know what?
03:29
Make it a helicopter.
03:30
3.5 million followers baby, here we come.
03:33
Zero Feel!
03:34
I wrote this copy.
03:36
Zero feel!
03:37
♪ Wishing you were somehow here again, ♪
03:41
♪ Wishing you were somehow near. ♪
03:44
What is it all about?
03:46
I don’t know.
03:47
Does anyone know?
03:48
[manic guitar music]
03:51
Science!
03:54
Sorry, everybody but the gravy–
03:59
What’s wrong?
04:01
We’re all losers.
04:03
Why would you say that?
04:05
No body cares about what we do.
04:07
I care.
04:08
That’s why I invited you guys.
04:09
I think you’re all so amazing.
04:11
You do?
04:12
Of course, you’re all great,
04:14
each in your own way.
04:16
But who’s the greatest?
04:17
You’re all equally great.
04:19
[all sighing heavily]
04:20
Equally.
04:21
Bollocks.
04:22
[door bell ringing]
04:24
Oh, that’s our last guest.
04:26
There’s another guest?
04:30
Everybody, I’d like you to meet Beyonce.
04:34
[yelling]
04:37
My eyes, oh, my eyes.
04:40
[ethereal music]
