When someone enters a room with a cake.
When there is a pettable cat where you did not expect there to be a pettable cat.
When there is a territorial dog where the pettable cat did not expect there to be a territorial dog.
When you type the wrong password into a Web site twice, making the stakes of your next attempt no less than the loss of your afternoon.
When the gym is closing in ten minutes and they cut the background music, leaving you and your swolemates in a dystopic barbell wasteland.
When the server drops off your check and says, “No rush,” but you can tell that their shift is ending.
When you casually Venmo five dollars to a cute guy in Utah thinking that it will brighten his day, only to realize that—without warning, pomp, or circumstance—you’ve become a sugar daddy.
When there is exactly one piece of cake left.
When you’re at karaoke and someone chooses Alan Jackson’s “Where Were You (When the World Stopped Turning).”
When the last straight man leaves the steam room.
When Apple—your adopted, corporate mother—warns you that, based on your headphone usage over the past seven days, you need to turn the volume down to protect your hearing.
When someone holds your hand for the first time.
When you spend the night with someone and they make you eggs in the morning even though they’re vegan.
When you write “I love you” on a little notecard that you then tear up because you’re too scared to say it.
When you realize that your friend’s parents are not going to pay for this dinner.
When your car randomly plays a spoken-word album that you bought seven years ago while on a road trip.
When someone doesn’t text you all day, not even once.
When someone sends unclear, mixed messages, like “We’ve hit a wall in terms of what I can give you” and “I want to see you less.”
When the harmless humor piece takes a sudden, uncomfortably personal turn.
When you are sad for a while but then realize that you’ve learned a lot about yourself during the relationship (mostly, that you can cry in Papa John’s).
When the cake is completely gone.
When, one day—without warning, pomp, or circumstance—you are finally able to feel grateful that there was even cake at all.
