Welcome to the Michael Bloomberg campaign, deputy digital organizer! You’re joining a long tradition of political activists who use their personal networks to spread the word about the candidate who is paying them. As a freelance employee of the Bloomberg campaign, you’ll make a personal social post each day to show how much you like Mike. To be clear, these are NOT sponsored posts. To be clear, you will NOT receive your monthly twenty-five-hundred-dollar stipend until you make these posts.
Below are some suggested social and text templates to inspire you! You do not need to use the exact message, but please use the exact message with, at most, one emoji of your choosing that does not change the message’s meaning. And please refrain from using the following emojis, as they may prompt discussion of topics we’d like to avoid:
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Awesome! Once you’ve signed your nondisclosure agreement, you can begin posting. Remember: letting someone know that you’ve signed an N.D.A. violates the N.D.A., and you will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law. Remember: Mike has a lot of money and connections in the New York legal system. Mike will get it done!
TWEET
“Billionaire” is not a four-letter word! It’s an eleven-letter word. Just like “win election” (not including spaces). #PresidentBloomberg
FACEBOOK POST
I like Mike! And I’d like you to send me your phone number, including area code. #PresidentBloomberg
INSTAGRAM POST (also share to your story)
[IMAGE OF YOU ON A BEACH WITH “MIKE 2020” PAINTED ON YOUR BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE]
Mike Bloomberg was the mayor of New York on 9/11. Never forget. #PresidentBloomberg
TEXT (PEOPLE YOU HAVE CONTACTED IN THE PAST FIVE YEARS)
Hello, my good friend [TARGET NAME]. I know you can’t buy a Presidential nomination. But you can buy a Presidential election. And Bloomberg is gonna buy our way out of Trump and get us a refund, on him. Hope we saved our receipt! LOL
How do I donate, you ask?
We don’t need your money. We need your vote. So let me know your rate and we’ll Venmo you.
TEXT (PEOPLE YOU HAVE NEVER CONTACTED BUT SOMEHOW HAVE THEIR NUMBERS)
Hi, [TARGET NAME], it’s [YOUR NAME], from your phone. I’m reaching out, of my own free will, to let you know that I am (1) worried about the state of our country and (2) excited about supporting the candidacy of Mayor Bloomberg! He was the mayor on 9/11!
DISENFRANCHISED-MINORITY MESSAGES
If you are part of a minority group that was specifically persecuted during the Bloomberg mayorship, that’s awesome! First, we are so sorry. Second, we are so lucky to have you. For each of the below messages you post, you’ll receive a ten-per-cent increase in your monthly payment, which is not a payment for the post but rather a salary for a role that happens to include posting.
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If P.O.C.: As I am a PROUD BLACK MAN WHO ALSO SUPPORTS BLOOMBERG, you might feel compelled to bring up the damaging policy of stop-and-frisk. I’d bring up that Mike has apologized and that we’ve all made mistakes. Once, I forgot to hold the door open for the next person in line for the Starbucks bathroom. It was wrong, and I’m sorry and embarrassed. But I’m human! And to err is human. I’m excited to support a human like Bloomberg. #WakandaForever
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If LESBIAN: As a PROUD LESBIAN WHO ALSO SUPPORTS BLOOMBERG, I was shocked to hear that Mike called someone a “horse-faced lesbian.” It weighed on me, but then I realized—horses are beautiful. Horses are regal, elegant creatures that are revered in many cultures. And you know what? That’s the kind of a lesbian I want to be! A horse-faced lesbian. #ParadiseIslandForever
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If GAY: I bloom for Bloomberg. ???
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If WOMAN: Why did the chicken cross the road? To fuck the cock! I love a good bawdy joke, and that’s why I’d never let a good bawdy joke stop me from supporting the only candidate who can defeat Donald Trump. As a PROUD WOMAN WHO ALSO SUPPORTS BLOOMBERG, I like Mike! And to fuck the cock! #JoAnnFabricForever
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If TRANS: The Bloomberg campaign has not made contact with any trans people. If we do, we’ll update this section.
If you belong to multiple disenfranchised minorities, that’s amazing! Please let the campaign know if you’re willing to appear behind Mike on camera at an upcoming rally. You will not be able to meet or speak to Mike.
