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April 29, 2024
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Humorous

Updated Possibilities for This Year’s October Surprise, Given 2020 So Far

“Sharknado,” minus the sharks, but plus murder hornets.

“Sharknado,” plus murder hornets and still with all the sharks.

The state of Georgia disappears.

Despite its evaporation, Former Georgia passes a voter law allowing only those citizens who can present an AmEx Platinum card to participate in elections.

A late-entry, third-party, pro-coronavirus candidate is projected to gain more traction than previously expected in several key states, including Former Georgia.

The nine-year-old recipient of a surprise party dismisses a caravan of well-wishers in cars who lined up along her block to honk and sing “Happy Birthday,” instead opting to attend her online Social Studies class, surprising and depressing millions of viewers and, ultimately, leading to the eradication of schools—remote and otherwise—in America. This leads to the rise of online governesses, which reminds people of “Jane Eyre” and books, but then they forget, because of Twitter.

Russian leadership announces that they have annexed Former Georgia by concealing it inside the country of Georgia (formerly the Republic of Georgia), and also that they have annexed the country of Georgia.

Hidden speakers near all polling places across the country spontaneously begin to emit the saddest part of the soundtrack to “The Leftovers.”

Video footage surfaces showing a group of C.E.O.s endorsing the pro-coronavirus candidate via Zoom.

This clears the field for a user-friendly meeting-app competitor called NoMute to gain in popularity, especially among older citizens, and inadvertently allows for the spread of a misinformation campaign claiming that voting by mail causes sharks.

The month of October goes by very quickly.

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