Won’t you come see about bones?
I’ll be alone, as we are only doing emergency procedures in office during this period.
Dancing, you know it, baby, can result in serious hyperextension. Does it hurt when you dance? How about when you just do that fake kind of dancing that your partner hates, because you look like a toddler on the toilet?
Tell me your troubles and doubts, and also specifically what motions tend to aggravate your sciatic nerve.
Giving me everything inside and out, at least as much as is feasible without an in-person consultation.
Love’s strange, so real in the dark, but please be mindful that ninety per cent of orthopedic injuries occur in the dark. A night light can help.
Think of the tender things that we were working on: namely, your visceral fascia.
Slow change may pull us apart, as may lockdown orders, the state of the economy, and your hypermobility disorder.
When the light gets into your heart, baby, that is an X ray—please do not be alarmed.
Don’t you forget about me: I do telehealth now. Our online portal is less complicated than it appears to be based on the e-mail that we sent you, from the e-mail address 65729234aueghd@orth2zx3423.biz.
Don’t, don’t, don’t, don’t—don’t you forget about me, or the exercises that I e-mailed you numerous times. Please confirm that you have received them and, if you have not, check your junk folder for any outstanding messages from 65729234aueghd@orth2zx3423.biz.
Will you stand above me? And really reach? Clicking without pain is O.K.—clicking with pain is a sign that you should modify this particular exercise.
Look my way, never love me, as that would not be appropriate, from a HIPAA-compliance perspective.
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling, and if I remember correctly you sustained your first orthopedic injury slipping on a wet sidewalk. You really took a tumble.
Down, down, down you went again, when we attempted a set of hip-knee stability squats.
Will you recognize me? A lot of my patients don’t, which is weird, because I am a person they previously saw twice a week, every week, for three to six weeks, and to whom they narrated the entirety of their office and familial sagas as I massaged their kneecaps.
Call my name or walk on by, but, ideally, do both at the same time, as I am testing your ability to balance different neuro-operative skills simultaneously.
Rain keeps falling, rain keeps falling down, down, down, down. As mentioned, please take care. I have no idea why the weather is like this right now, but that doesn’t make conditions any less hazardous for you.
Hey, hey, hey, hey! Ooh, who is your primary-care physician and why have I not received a referral? Can you please call to see about the holdup? I cannot legally treat you without a valid and up-to-date referral. The fact that this arcane system helps no one and results in significantly larger costs for both patients and insurance companies does not change anything, unfortunately.
Don’t you try and pretend that you haven’t seen my multiple messages about telehealth availability. Our practice has embedded a read receipt in all our correspondence, and we know that you have opened our e-mails. We also know that you have “liked” several photos of our practitioners’ pets on our Instagram account.
It’s my feeling we’ll win in the end and that you will schedule an appointment simply to get us to stop sending e-mails.
Vanity and Security are the names of our TheraBands. If you choose to schedule a telehealth appointment, we will gladly mail you one or both, depending on your resistance capacity.
Don’t you forget about me. I’ll be alone, dancing—you know it, baby. Going to take you apart only in the sense that your discs will have more breathing room after this simple traction exercise.
I’ll put us back together at heart, baby, but you have to do your part as well, so please consult the exercise sheet I have resent you!
I say, “Lala la la lala la latissimus dorsi will not release itself.” We know that orthopedic health care may not seem like something you can get remotely, and to that we say, “Your husband’s Zoom karaoke league.”
