WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Stating that he has “made no secret of my differences with this President,” Senator Ted Cruz touted his courageous record of opposing Donald J. Trump for the past two minutes.
“Anyone who knows me knows that I object to Donald Trump’s incendiary and unacceptable rhetoric, and that is as true now as was when I first said it, a hundred and twenty seconds ago,” he said.
The senator from Texas added that “history will judge those harshly” who have not had the courage, as he has, to oppose Trump for two minutes running.
“I think when the history books are written, my behavior over the past two minutes will be hailed for its valor,” he said.
Just moments after those comments, however, Senator Lindsey Graham took issue with Cruz, calling his remarks “weak sauce.”
“Let the record show that I have been opposed to Donald Trump for three minutes,” Graham asserted.
