PERSONAL AD
Hi, my sub/dom arrangement just kinda fizzled out. I thought my ex was a Leather Daddy Leader, only to learn he was actually a Pleather Flabby Cheater. Was I crushed? Um—don’t ask!
So now I’m looking for a new Dom Daddy who can make me feel like the naughty little Proud Boy I am. I’m not just proud. . . . I’m also loud. Can you suppress me?
You should be: an authoritarian leader whose orders I never disobey and whom I follow everywhere (within a certain radius—I’m currently on the no-fly list). Willingness to exploit my anger and ignorance is a must. Ideally, you’d also be able to host, because I live in my mom’s basement.
Some things to know about me:
- I like playing kinky games like “Dog Whistle.”
- I’m into zip ties.
- Ropes, too! Order me to walk past velvet ropes, where I know I’m not
supposed to go. Let’s see if I can “storm your Capitol” and receive
the appropriate punishment. (Sadly, my former Dom didn’t do that, and
Mitt Romney and Nancy Pelosi had to punish me, instead.) - My safe word used to be “Stand back and stand by,” but now that
brings up painful memories. I’m sure we can borrow something else
from my dog-eared, bathwater-logged copy of “Fifty Shades.” - I’m game for some light spanking, but you have to be careful,
because that area is sensitive. (It’s where I hold all my morals.) - I’m also into choking—if you can choke away all my rights and
economic opportunities, I will paradoxically love you more?
That’s about it! Perhaps Proud Boys like me crave humiliation because it’s the only way we can feel vulnerable, thanks to our hateful fathers and the societal pressures surrounding masculinity that we think we have to live by even though they are wildly outdated. Whatevs. I’m ready to receive my orders.
Find me online on Parler or in person at the supermarket. (I’m the one being kicked out for not wearing a face mask.) I don’t like to send pics to strangers, but you can check me out if you Google “January 6th” and “possum-fur cape.” Also, if you need references, I have an extensive file with the A.C.L.U.
So, please, use me for your political and financial gain by telling me, “You’re very special and I love you,” and then having the F.B.I. come hunt me down.
