Welcome back to “House Hunters”! We’ve showed the oxygen broker Lamar and the N.F.T. lawyer Jay three houses, to try to fit their different tastes.
Lamar liked house No. 1: a spacious underground bunker conveniently situated under the Midwestern Sea of Lava. But Jay complained that the oven was not large enough to cook a traditional Thanksgiving roach.
House No. 2, in L.A., offered a stunning view of fire tornadoes, and the open-plan kitchen caught Jay’s eye, but Lamar is reluctant to live aboveground, because there is no ozone layer.
House No. 3, in upstate New York, was a bit over the couple’s budget, but it ticked a lot of boxes for both: location, space for entertaining the five remaining humans on Earth, and a mid-century interior.
They are sad to leave their current home, in the abandoned lithium mine, but they are both excited for a change of pace—and also to escape the imminent flooding by toxic agricultural runoff. And the home they chose is . . .
House No. 3! “We love waking up to the bubbling sound of the swamp and hearing the song of the great-winged cockroach at sunset. It’s the perfect place to bring up our mutant rat baby!”
