So, fall is here and now you’re wondering, What are some fun, family-friendly, seasonal activities that I can do while also having spiders crawl all over me with their icky, spindly, little spider legs? Thought you’d never ask! Here are the answers:
Go Camping: There’s no better way to get spiders in your mouth while you’re asleep than on an outdoorsy adventure. Plus, your kids will be so tired from kayaking that they won’t even notice the fuzzy, eight-legged critters burrowing into their hair after nightfall. A win-win!
Clean Out Your Closet: It’s literally impossible to get organized and ready for winter without breaking up a few happy arachnid families living in your closet drawers. But, not to worry, they’ll be back for revenge.
Jump in a Pile of Leaves: I mean, duh.
Go on a Hike: Get some spiders in your mouth during a romantic autumnal hike! Feel the cobweb threads stick to your face as you walk between two pines, then do a strange dance as you try to wipe the webs off your eyelids, while your partner silently questions why they’re dating you. There’s nothing like it.
Stay at a Friend’s Cabin: Now, this is a fun one. Staying in a friend’s cabin is the perfect opportunity to lay back, unwind, and look up at the biggest, hairiest spider that you’ve ever seen crawling across the cabin ceiling. This spider must have crawled up from the fiery depths of Hell—there’s no other explanation. Should you kill it? Yes, you should. But instead, you close your eyes in fear, and when you open them again the spider will be gone and you’ll have ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE IT WENT FOR THE REST OF THE TRIP.
But the thing is, this isn’t your ordinary demonic cabin spider. In fact, this is its first time inside a cabin. Remember that arachnid family you viciously tore apart while cleaning out your closet? You know, during one of the aforementioned fun fall activities? Well, one of the babies survived, and it followed you here. Bet you didn’t know spiders could do that, did you? Well, the joke’s on you, because spiders can do anything. Only now little baby spidey is all grown up and ready to lay some eggs inside some ears.
That’s right, the spider is me. I’ve been watching you for weeks, which is, like, forever in spider time. And now I’m ready for revenge.
Go to sleep, my friend. You have plenty of other fun fall activities in store. . . .
