To Whom It May Concern (or Current Resident):
Hello, castaway! You’ve made it onto a deserted island thousands of miles from civilization and found your very first message in a bottle. We are writing this to let you know that we are coming to SAVE YOU—save you money!
It’s time to pick a credit card. Did you know that four out of five marooned souls choose Strive™ Castaway Plus? Here’s why:
-
Start earning the minute you wash ashore. With the Castaway Plus
card, you’ll get fifty thousand bonus points after spending your
first thousand dollars on everyday items, such as coconuts, fishing
spears, and flotsam. -
INTRODUCTORY BONUS: Sign up for Strive™ Castaway Plus and receive one
year of streaming services free! (Internet connection required.) -
Industry-leading six-per-cent cash back on palm fronds. Build your
dream hut for less! -
Annual fees and a rescue ship: two things you won’t find on the
horizon! -
Seems like you’ll be here for a while, but how long, exactly? Say
goodbye to ticking off days on a palm trunk! Strive™ cardholders
receive a ten-dollar rideshare credit to their account each month—a
perk that helps track the passage of time! -
At this point, maintaining a routine is important for your financial
success and sanity. With Strive™, it’s easy to stay on top of your
payments; billing cycles are determined by the tide. -
Castaway Plus cards are equipped with the latest secure tap-to-pay
technology. Because, when you’re completely isolated from the rest of
humanity, every payment is contactless. -
That fading photo of your spouse and children just makes you sad. Why
not have the most valuable thing in your wallet be our zero-fraud
guarantee? -
Sending smoke signals? Quick—remember to include your unique referral
code for a seventy-five-dollar sign-up bonus! -
Strive™ Castaway Plus is ranked the No. 1 card for building a very,
very long credit history.
Make no mistake, we will RESCUE YOU IMMEDIATELY from other, less generous offers. So apply for Strive™ Castaway Plus today! Because if you don’t we will continue to flood your island with endless mailers in bottles.
