Seamlessly dive into your next existential-dread spiral with these apps designed to streamline your anxiety experience.
Ex-plore Page
Thanks to this app, you’ll never have to waste hours Googling your exes again. Fill out a simple questionnaire, and Ex-plore Page will create a custom feed of photos sourced directly from the social-media accounts of your former flames and their new partners, who are hotter and better than you.
Yikes!
Yikes! uses your phone’s microphone to listen to all your social interactions and note the strange, awkward things that you say. Now you won’t have to wonder if that comment to your boss’s wife in the elevator was weird, because this app will straight-up tell you that it was.
Bad News
Say goodbye to feel-good fluff pieces and jump right into the day’s most depressing headlines with this terrible-news aggregator.
It’s Definitely Cancer
Made possible through a partnership with WebMD, this app allows you to type in any weird ache or pain that you’re feeling and be told exactly what type of cancer you definitely have.
3:17 A.M. Alarm
Instead of jolting awake for no reason at a random, unpredictable time every night, make it exactly 3:17 A.M. with the help of this regular nightly alarm.
Scroll Toll
This app uses your weekly screen-time metrics to predict how many years of your life you’ll waste endlessly scrolling on your phone. It will also provide curated suggestions of better ways you could use that time.
The Black Void
This is just a completely blank, dark screen that you can stare at while meditating on the meaning of your existence. It’s similar to turning your phone off, except that work e-mails still pop up. That way you don’t miss anything important as you’re contemplating the abyss.
