She throws rocks at you. Hard.
She wants to raise your babies on a pile of excrement.
She kills you after copulating, not before.
Your tears turn her on.
She kills all your friends’ babies.
She steals your food.
She’s fine with you throwing up in her mouth.
She glows fluorescent green.
(Shiny jumping spider)
She walks toward you backward.
She lays an egg with a really big yolk.
This excerpt is drawn from “Sex and the Single Panda: The Revolting Pursuit of Love in the Animal Kingdom”, by Dahlia Gallin Ramirez, out next month from Chronicle Books.