Dear Ms. Carter,
I know firsthand that the admissions process can be exhausting. It’s hard to separate the valedictorians from the catfish. Nevertheless, I hope that you can recognize Alan Worth as a special applicant. Dating him—like an earthquake—is impossible to forget.
I’ll admit, Alan’s recommendation request surprised me. As a generally laid-back designer, I worried that I might not sufficiently represent his record of caustic lawyers. That said, it’s an honor to recommend someone with Alan’s enthusiasm for life and fitness. Although that’s all that I, personally, sought in an applicant, I suspect that you’ll want more detail.
Alan’s the hardest worker I’ve ever met. He balances freelancing, a Twitter account that speaks truth to power (thirty followers), and one of the final active Last.fm pages. He understands that, today, digital spaces are more powerful than any corner office. Eventually, one of his blockchain ventures could produce life-changing revenue. I suggest getting in early.
Your values are a perfect match. For instance, Alan has pursued a family for some time. This fact might not come out during your first weeks or months together. You might even get the opposite impression on multiple occasions. But, let me assure you, it’s very important to him. I learned that in a text message.
Alan appreciates diversity, and makes sure you know it. I was impressed by his ability to bring up my demographic during conversations about traffic and the weather. He also emphasized his role in the George Floyd protests whenever a movie got slow. I’m certain that Alan loves and respects Black culture because I never went a day without hearing it.
As I noted earlier, Alan stays fit. Don’t worry about him getting lazy once things get comfortable—no temperature, job, or holiday can keep him from a workout. Cardio helps him work through a few nagging morale issues. I won’t bore you with the details. It’s fine as long as he runs and it isn’t December.
You’ll never see someone more attuned to their spirituality. Instead of limiting himself to one branch of magick, Reiki, or psychic training, Alan researches them all. If it has a subreddit, he’s mastered it. His collection of crystals can shield you from misfortune, debt, and breakup hexes. He even trains a few young apprentices, showing inimitable leadership.
At a glance, you’re a dead ringer for his favorite ex. That would be ideal for Alan’s daughter, who misses her a great deal. Your familiar face will prevent any awkward conversations or hysterical meltdowns during visitation.
I also encourage you to ignore any baseless rumors of impropriety. It’s the twenty-first century, and some people like to catch up with former partners. Sometimes this will happen on birthdays, or late at night, after you’ve had a fight. Don’t let paranoia ruin a good thing.
Given the opportunity, Alan will add levity and sorcery to your life. You just have to take the first step. There’s no one exactly like Alan—I promise.
Sincerely,
Wanda Lake (formerly Wanda Lake-Worth)
