We’re here to help you find a hair-removal technique that suits your body. Or, yeah, you could just let your hair grow out. But we definitely recommend hair removal because, like, Eww, LOL—hair.
Laser Hair Removal
Sure it’s painful, expensive, and may cause permanent scarring that you will be unable to hide behind body hair. But in just six to ten sessions you’ll have deterred your body from doing it’s natural job. Yay for shiny legs!
Shaving
With shaving, the hair will never stop growing back, so you’ll have to repeat this shower routine for decades until the day you die. This will really make you question why you’re succumbing to the twisted, sexist social pressure to be hairless. By participating in this culture of depilation, aren’t we contributing to the problem? But, on the other hand, your legs will be bald for two days! Totally worth it.
Trimming
Did you know that body hair regulates your temperature, releases pheromones, and can contribute to better orgasms? But we assure you that hair removal isn’t taking those things away from women, it’s just about looking clean, like a bald little baby. Also, cutting yourself with a trimmer stings a lot. But at least you’ll have less hair by the end of it!
Waxing
In the Stone Age, men and women would shave their heads before they went into battle so that their opponents couldn’t grab onto anything. They did it by whittling a rock down to a sharp edge and running it over their scalps. Oh, how you’ll be wishing for an equalized society such as theirs as the waxer lady counts down from three.
Sugaring
From shame comes order. Arbitrary fear-mongering and humiliation allow the one per cent who are actually in charge to control those beneath them, like sovereign puppet masters in a twisted show—starring you. But, real talk, sugaring is the exact same as waxing except that they use honey and lemon. Super organic!
Threading
This technique involves someone using a thread to painfully rip hairs from your body. This is not sexist!
Plucking Out Each Individual Hair, One by One
Takes forever; hurts.
Whittling a Stone Down to a Sharp Edge as a Sort of D.I.Y. Razor
What is “society”? Do we reject the idea of body hair because we feel that doing so sets us further apart from animals? But, what are we, if not animals ourselves? Also, we don’t endorse this technique. Buy our brand of razors instead, for a smooth, glossy feel, you beastly woman, haha!
Not Caring
Free and painless. Though be warned: your hairy legs might lead people to believe that you’re making some kind of statement against the patriarchy (and it’s, like, who needs the hassle, right?). Stay bald, friends!
