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May 22, 2024
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Humorous

Things I Am Actually Aging Like, Instead of a Fine Wine

A bottle and glass of Trader Joe's threedollar wine.

That three-dollar wine from Trader Joe’s: growing more acidic by the day.


A standup stage without a comic.

A male club comic’s standup joke about #MeToo: extremely tired.


Beach chair and umbrella blocking subway tracks.

The New York City subway system: expect delays on nights and weekends.


A dramatic plant on fire and in need of hydration.

Your most dramatic plant: in constant need of hydration.


A glass of nearlyflat seltzer.

A flat seltzer: I still have some flavor, but my effervescence is fast escaping.


A DVD of a movie titled Sad Men and the Women They Disappoint.

A prestige drama from the early two-thousands: increasingly prone to monologues about the insidious nature of man.


A notice for subway service changes.

The New York City subway system: twelve billion dollars would go a long way toward making everything work again.


A hermit crab with a plastic bottle for a shell.

The ocean: salty and containing microscopic bits of plastic.


A can of Four Loko.

Four Loko: no longer relevant after peaking in 2011.


An outoforder subway station.

The New York City subway system: seriously, can someone fix the subway?


A campfire flame.

The tiniest flame of a campfire that’s about to go out: hoping to catch heat from younger, up-and-coming flames.


An owl wearing sunglasses.

Those animals which didn’t start out nocturnal but evolved to be that way: I find sleeping at night very challenging.


Three characters from Cocoon.

The characters in “Cocoon”: this I will not explain.

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