Hey, we missed you! We know that you might have some reservations about coming back to the gym, but, trust us, we’re working in accordance with local laws and regulations to meet the challenge. Rest assured—Padded Room Fitness is more committed than ever to the health and money of our members.
Our dedication to wellness starts before you even walk in the door. We updated our mobile app, so you can sign our mandatory Coronavirus Self-Declaration Form without unnecessary contact. Don’t forget to update your billing preferences so we know that you’re fiscally well enough to exercise.
We encourage anyone experiencing fever symptoms to sign up for a personal-training session to work on your body-temperature goals.
All club members must wear a mask upon entering the lobby and throughout the duration of their first set. Hand-sewn masks with “Sweat Is Just COVID Leaving the Body” embroidered on them are available for purchase.
You might notice that we’ve outfitted the locker rooms with state-of-the-art cleaning pods that shoot water down from the ceiling. Feel free to use them, but be careful—the water runs hot!
While on the gym floor, social distancing is absolutely essential. We’ve roped off machines to give you some breathing room. Yes, that means longer wait times for equipment. Please be patient and allow paid-in-full members to finish their sets first.
Your workout might take a little longer than usual, so be sure to check out our modified hours of operation. We’re closing up a bit earlier, just in case the virus spreads nocturnally. It’ll also give us a head start on deep cleaning. We’ve onboarded a team of air-filtration specialists who can hold their breath for a really long time. They’ll breathe in contaminated air and walk it outside to exhale.
Senior staffers will also regularly spray mirrors with disinfectant to blur your face out of any selfies. We know that you might not want everyone to know you’re back. We get it. That’s why we’re instituting a totally anonymous member-referral program. Discretion is a form of sanitization.
Still not ready to come back? No worries. We’ll gladly freeze your account until you change your mind. Our “freeze rate” is the same as a regular rate, except we keep your money in a cold vault. If you’d like to cancel your account, just e-mail the guy who’s always at the front desk, constantly taking calls. Aiden or Adam. He’ll take care of it.
We’re still in the process of finalizing these new policies, and we’d love to hear your feedback. Leave your comments and signature in the liability waiver, attached. Please note that owing to limited staffing amid layoffs, we will not be able to reply to any of your concerns.
