Dear Moderators,
I see that, according to your privacy policy, I have to inform you via letter of my intention to “opt out” of certain services.
I would like to opt out of any public displays of my home address. I would like to opt out of “extend fertility!” and related advertising. I would like to opt out of anything “one-tap.” I would like to opt out of photo-sharing with any company that uses “before” and “after” images. I would like to opt out of coupons for five hundred dollars off a service called Renew, whose ads feature a woman with red silk draped over her nude body. I would like to opt out of Social Security-number sharing with organizations that rehabilitate people who have been acquitted of identity theft. I would like to opt out of location-matching with U.S.-military drone technology. I would like to opt out of camera-access agreements with realgirlrealporn and its affiliates. I would like to opt out of search-history sharing with Dina Lohan’s new singles app.
I would like to opt out of any and all news alerts related to Mitch McConnell; the President of the United States; any headline with the word “tweet” in any form; Shia LaBeouf, unless he’s opening an all-girls’ school for young directors; blood plasma; “influencers”; North Korea; any headline with the words “fire,” “burn,” “raging,” or “unsustainable levels.”
I would like to opt out of responding to texts asking me to come over and help with crafting projects. I would like to opt out of intergenerational badminton tournaments. I would like to opt out of the question “So, what’ve you been up to?” I would like to opt out of peeling garlic. I would like to opt out of the use of the word “around” in place of “about.” I would like to opt out of receiving photographs of the dead squirrel that my parents found in their fireplace. I would like to opt out of any office event promoted as “fun.” I would like to opt out of hearing more than one Maroon 5 song a year. I would like to opt out of showering.
I would like to opt out of participating in or listening to block-association carolling. I would like to opt out of seeing Pete Buttigieg’s face. I would like to opt out of e-mails that begin “Dear All.” I would like to opt out of body hair. I would like to opt out of remembering any time someone says to me, “Hey, this would be a great karaoke song! Remind me the next time we go.” I would like to opt out of scarves getting stuck in my coat zipper. I would like to opt out of “corporate athlete” as a concept. I would like to opt out of caring about the tech industry. I would like to opt out of destination-wedding attendance. I would like to opt out of funeral attendance. I would like to opt out of the death of loved ones.
I would like to opt out of canker sores; mysterious particles in my eye; dehydration; hangovers; hangnails; too-short nails; any illness ending in “-itis,” “-oma,” “-ia,” or “-us”; sunburns on the tops of my feet; pins and needles in my legs; bloating; underwear that’s too narrow at the crotch; patches of skin that are inexplicably dryer than the skin around them; light menstruation; heavy menstruation; any menstruation; and childbirth. I would like to opt out of tiny strips of boogers hanging from my nose.
I would like to opt out of frown lines, laugh lines, smile lines, and crow’s-feet. I would like to opt out of aging. I would like to opt out of death. I would like to opt out of cremation and/or burial. I would like to opt out of receiving a eulogy that any listener would describe later, over tiny quiches, as “funny,” unless the eulogizer was quoting me. I would like to opt out of Hell, if it exists, and Purgatory, if that exists, and Heaven, if it’s repetitive.
I would like to opt out of reading privacy policies. I would like to opt out of clicking “I have read the terms and conditions” about pages of type that I couldn’t pay attention to if I did read them. I would like to opt out of opting out. I would like to already be opted out. But, barring that, I would like to opt out of taxes. ♦
Click Here to Visit Orignal Source of Article https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2020/09/14/opt-out
