And on the first day, God said, “Umm, so, I made a thing.”
And on the second day, God retweeted Himself and said, “Well, this blew up.”
And on the third day, God said, “Wow, I’m overwhelmed by all your support. It’s been years and years of working alone, uncertain that these Heavens and Earth would ever be seen. So, yeah, my heart is about to explode. Thank you. This is surreal.”
And on the fourth day, God said, “OMG, the Sun, the Moon, and the Stars just agreed to get involved! I am freaking out. What is my life??”
And later on the fourth day, God created sound and clouds and then linked His SoundCloud account.
And on the fifth day, God posted a nude with Adam and said, “Felt cute, might delete later. ;)” And God did not delete later.
And on the sixth day, God said, “Just got a 10 oz. lemon-zest #FitTea and can’t wait to see how it works! My friend swears by it. Nothing like a detox to start the new world. #enjoylife #detoxtea #sponsoredpost”
And on the seventh day, God said, “Taking a day off from the hustle. LOL #godofselfcare”
And two hours later on the seventh day, God said, “I am here to humbly apologize to My supporters. The comments I made were from a long time ago, before the first day, when the norms were very different. If you were offended, that was not My intention, and I’m sorry you were offended at all. Anyway, here is a recipe for iguanas.”
And later on the seventh day, God continued, “I APOLOGIZED! What more do you want from Me? Today was supposed to be My day of REST! I hate this term, but you S.J.W.s sound like you’d rather try to Milkshake Duck Me than actually deal with your own problems. . . . I CREATED YOU!!!”
And on the eighth day, God deleted His account and published an op-ed titled “The Mental Cost and Brutality of Our Pre-Biblical Cancel Culture.”
And by noon on the eighth day, God was a meme. And then God sent the flood.
