Books made entirely of dry ice.
Books filled exclusively with high-res photos of parents dancing to Macklemore.
Books detailing a pinworm infection.
Books not made of one-hundred-per-cent organic cotton.
Books recounting Jason Alexander’s last ten colonoscopy results.
Books that aren’t about heroic white men standing atop a mountain’s peak whilst clutching an old-timey telescope.
Books that their brother rubbed on his butt.
Books written by Elspeth, Goddess of Papyrus, who hath vowed to destroy anyone who dareth turn these pages.
Books that smell strongly of Long John Silver’s.
Books that explain, via medical illustration, where their brother came from.
Books about the entrepreneurial life of feminine-hygiene wunderkind Earle Haas, creator of the world’s first tampon.
Books that show the detailed progression of a cavity caused by not flossing correctly.
Books about a man being brutally tortured, nailed to slabs of wood, and then left to dangle there for three days while onlookers openly mock and deride him. Never mind—that’s fine.
Books collecting their aunt’s erotic, equestrian-themed poetry (Volume I: “Fifty Shades of Neigh”).
Books that force a person to move outside his or her mental comfort zone and explore new ideas and modes of thinking (i.e., “learn”).
