The “Boba Fett” series is rad, but what about the other bounty hunters we saw momentarily in “The Empire Strikes Back”? Like this guy, who looks like the costume budget ran out and so they just wrapped a towel around his head. Doesn’t he deserve his own streaming series or something?
How about the bartender in the cantina scene from “A New Hope”? What are his hopes, his dreams? Why doesn’t he let droids into the bar? Don’t we fans deserve to know? We need a feature film—in IMAX. Maybe a trilogy.
I paused one of my Blu-ray DVDs at a random moment and noticed this guy strolling down the hall in the Death Star. Who is he? Where was he going? Did he die when the Death Star exploded, or did he escape? Without a full fleshing out of this and every character who ever appears, there’s a gaping hole of unknown in the “Star Wars” universe that is simply unacceptable. Let us begin a letter-writing campaign to Disney now!
There is a disturbance in the Force. We know George Lucas is a brilliant visionary and architect of the greatest interstellar saga ever told. Therefore, it’s clear that there must have been some villainous toady whose dark powers led Lucas astray, down the path . . . to prequels. He encouraged Lucas’s worst impulses and half-baked ideas, and nearly ruined the single most important part of my childhood. The story of this evil yes-man is itself one that needs to be told.
“Your eyes can deceive you—don’t trust them.” If only the judges of this year’s cosplay contest had listened to those sage words of Ben Kenobi before they unfairly chose this little girl in a store-bought Rey costume over lifelong, devoted fans who spent hours honing every detail to literally transform themselves into the Imperial spy Garindan ezz Zavor. A miniseries convening the Jedi council is called for to investigate.
All’s well that Endors well: this man withstands the teasing of so-called friends and family about his “obsession” with “that spaceman fairy tale” he saw when he was twelve. But they’ll eat their words once his “Luke Skytalker” podcast takes off into online hyperspace. This . . . is his story.
